Monday, December 24, 2012

Bah humbug

I'm not a scrooge - I was very generous in my Christmas presents this year.
  • I sent money to the grandchildren of my deceased SIL ($25 each x 6).
  • I sent Origami Owl necklaces to her two daughters with Vicki's birthstone, an angel wing, and "In Memory" charms ($86 total).
  • I sent gift cards to our "older" grandchildren ($25 each x 5).
  • I sent an Origami Owl necklace to Jenny's mom with birthstones representing all four of our grandchildren, a locket back that says "Family" on it, a "Grandma" charm, and a really pretty dangle ($96).
  • I bought Origami Owl locket necklaces for Stacey, Jenny, and Lindsay (roughly $150-ish total).
  • I sent Shaun a box with a movie and snacks for him (total value including shipping about $50).
  • I got Keith a great gift (shhhh.... don't tell him yet) but didn't have to spend a dime on it thanks to someone else's generosity. He didn't want me to spend any money on him and I would have bought his gift but it was given to me, instead.
  • I sent Jenny a check for her to buy clothes and whatever the four grandkids need ($400).
  • I bought Ron a SodaStream with extra bottles and flavorings ($179-ish).
  • I went Black Friday shopping with Amy and took care of Isaiah and Anna (pretty close to $200 for the two of them).
  • I got Stacey and Charles a $50 Applebee's gift card.
  • I got Tim a $50 gift card to the grocery store.
  • I got Aaron a $25 gift card plus a "Chiefs" snuggie.
  • I got Amy a Thirty-One "Cindy" tote (about $50) and a baking set ($20).
  • I have a fireproof document safe for Rex ($25). 
  • I sent a used Acer tablet to my friend in southern Missouri. I had tried to sell it and no one wanted to give me what it was worth, so I sent it to her because I knew that she would appreciate it and it was something that she would never buy for herself.
I did not buy anything for our friend's daughters this year. Last year, I spent about $75 each on them but I bought for more extended family members instead. I didn't get my Christmas cards made (except for a very few of them) but managed to get some made at Walmart to mail. Oh well... life got in the way.

So... why the "bah humbug" attitude? Amy and Rex (with kids) are in western Kansas. It was his family's turn for Christmas this year and I understand that. Keith is sick and may (or may not) be available tomorrow. Ron is in the nursing home and they did their Christmas dinner/party for residents and family last week but no one told Ron about it or for him to invite me. They will not be serving anything special for dinner tomorrow. I got a text from Faith (one of our older granddaughters) to let me know they would go to the nursing home tomorrow afternoon to see Ron. He will appreciate that.

On the other hand, since everyone else is spending Christmas with other family members I feel totally left out. I would love to spend tomorrow with family and enjoy Christmas dinner and companionship, but I won't ask if I can come. I want them to think of me because they WANT to and to invite me because I'm important to them - not as an afterthought. It's habit for them to do things with Ron's ex-wife and her family and to just assume that I have other plans. But, my problem with that is I would like to be invited somewhere - and asked if I have plans. I could call and ask if I can invite myself, but I won't. Most years, we don't even see Ron's kids until after Christmas because they spend Christmas Eve with Stacey's in-laws and Christmas Day with his ex-wife. They usually want to know if we can exchange gifts some other day. Sure... no problem and I understand trying to fit in so many visits in one day - I remember trying to do Christmas at home and then leave for KC to visit my family when the kids were little. It's rough trying to work in the "other parent" (even when we lived in the same town we rarely saw them Christmas Day; two years ago, Tim and his kids were at his mom's house but we didn't see them - we lived less than one mile away). So, basically I would like to feel like I'm thought of this year especially with everything that has gone on.

I know that I'm just having a pity party and I'll be better after Christmas is over. I have spent the last two days trying to force myself to be cheery but teary has been more like it. Tomorrow morning, I'm going to go see Ron and if Keith feels better he will join me. I'm taking one of the flavor packs from the SodaStream for Ron to open but Keith will have to wait until Lindsay gets back from seeing her parents to get his gift (that way she can open hers, too since I didn't get it to her before she left). Sometime during the day tomorrow, I'll go down to the casino because they are having a Christmas buffet for $20. I have a backup plan though if I end up getting snowed in here...

I ordered chicken wings from Papa John's so I'll not be totally without something to eat tomorrow.

I really do wish all of you a very Merry Christmas and please know that I am very grateful for the blessings in my life. I just can't help being sad for this part. It's hard being the first Christmas without my mom, Ron not being home, Amy/Rex and the kids being away.


Kathy's Klothesline said...

Oh, sweetie, I am sorry. Like you, I wouldn't have called either. I miss seeing my kids, but I do have Drew (He Who) here. He will be on call for tows tomorrow, but I know what you mean about being completely alone. It is not the food, but the fellowship you long for.

You were way more generous than I was this year. I sent $50 to my 17 year old grandson last April for his birthday. He has yet to acknowledge the gift. More than just hurting my feelings, it embarassed his mom (my daughter). He lives with his dad now and has acquired a good dose of arrogance and entitlement. I did not send him anything for Christmas. When he steps off his high horse and decides to talk to me again we can discuss his attitude, until then I don't feel guilty in the least.

I wish for you a pleasant and peaceful day tomorrow. I hope you have a good visit with Ron. God Bless.

Lois said...

This is the hardest time of year for those who have suffered loss. Sadly, people in your life did not come through for you. Tough lesson, and one that they will regret, some day. I hope this day passes quickly for you, and that the new year is much less harsh. You have had a tough one... Lois