Leaving Ron Behind

Isaiah and I are off on our big adventure together. I was worried that he'd be hard to travel with at night because he'd be tired. He was amazing. He did sleep for about 3 hours on the 2nd plane ride, but woke up and actually walked for me. He was a big help at the hotel and was just a lot of fun for me. Of course, he charmed everyone. The lady behind us on the first plane ride said she was very impressed with him. Also on that flight was a young black lady (age 19) who has MS. She was traveling with her mother and when the mom sat down, Isaiah said, "Hello, my name is Isaiah. I like your hair." She was flabbergasted and told him thank you. The daughter, Marva, chatted off and on with Isaiah and they both said how cute and well-behaved he was.

The second flight was the longest but he did amazingly well on them both.

I hated to leave Ron behind. He feels so bad right now that I was really worried that he was going to go into kidney failure or something while I'm gone. We spent Thursday getting him ready for my trip as much as getting me ready for my trip. I changed his pain patch, dressed his foot, loaded up his pill dispenser with 5 days worth of pills (Keith knows he's got to do the rest of the days, change the pain patch every 3 days, and dress the foot every other day). I got Ron's laundry all done and put away so he'll be able to find things. Stocked his cabinet with extra toilet paper (if he ran out he wouldn't know where to look), went to the store and bought things he could fix in the microwave, bought him fresh fruit and his favorite soft drink - Sprite Zero. Then, to make him feel extra-special, I stopped at Sonic and got him a Route 44 Diet Limeade with extra lime.

At one point during the course of the day he looked like he felt really bad and when I asked him what was wrong, he just started crying. "I'm going to miss you while you're gone." Ah.... I felt so bad for him that I tried to talk him into coming, knowing as I was doing so that I'd have a hard time coming up with matching tickets and that taking care of him and Isaiah would be almost more than I could do. As much as I hated to leave him behind, I don't think I could have done both of them.

I made sure that Keith knew how despondent he was and he promised me that he would spend more time than not with his dad. That is a relief. Amy will be back from western Kansas on Tuesday so she'll be home with him after school that day. Then she can work out a schedule with Keith to decide who is staying with him what nights of the week. Isaiah and I return on the 13th.

I am calling him every night.

Tammy's Place Blog Candy

Tammy's Place is a blog I found a while back and she's got great stuff on her site. Right now, to celebrate her one year anniversary of blogging, she's offering some great blog candy.

I haven't quite figured out how some blogs just grow and grow - and the readers multiply like rabbits. And then, I see other blogs that are pretty stagnant. I write as often as I can and I hope that what I write is somewhere above the "boring" line. Some posts are better than others, but truth in blogging is important.

My style of writing may not be as entertaining as some and when I read other blogs I sometimes think to myself, "why didn't I write it like that?" LOL! Maybe next time.

Maybe not...

Comments...

I have decided that although I want to always be nice to people, and to not go looking for things to disagree over, I'm no longer going to just let people talk to me any way they want to without me saying something back that lets them know that I am no longer a door mat.

I have someone I am very close to who has a 7 month old baby. Said baby is quite large and has outgrown his rear-facing car seat. My innocent comment was how cute he looked in his seat but mom may want to look into the laws of her state because most states require rear-facing car seats for infants under 12 months of age and 20 pounds. The baby has to meet both criterion - not one or the other. And, to make sure that I wasn't misinformed, I went searching to make sure I wasn't giving incorrect information. When I found a site that had a lot of information regarding car seats (for all states), I sent her the link. She has comment moderation enabled on her blog so the "how cute" comment was never allowed to be posted.

My return comment was "I have done my research. I don't need help unless I ask for it."
Ouch... Just trying to make sure your child was protected in the event of (heaven forbid) an accident.

My reply: Well, excuse me for being concerned about ****'s welfare. It won't happen again. Kiss my ***. (And, yes - I said that word. Not because I wanted to be nasty but I don't tolerate my own kids talking to me like that and I'm not going to tolerate some other 21 year old talking to me like that, either.)

"You have been hanging out with ******* too much. I just said I don't need help on this subject."

It was the way you said it. I don't need help unless I ask for it. Sometimes people don't know they need help on something until someone with more experience points it out. You could have said thanks for your concern but I made sure he would be OK before I did this NOT what and how you said it.

"For your information, that big boy car sear is rear facing. It's a convertible and that's why I got it."

OK, that is good but you have forward facing in the car and in the seat belt. It is natural to think you are transporting him in this fashion. Instead of getting touchy you could just try to be nice in your comments and rephrasing before you comment. And for your information, I am not hanging out with ****** so phooey on you! hahahaha. (The last paragraph was intended to show that I'm not angry with her but I expect her to treat people who are older than her with respect. In case you are wondering, we are related so it's not like I'm giving advice to some individual just for the heck of it. I was truly concerned that she was unaware of car seat laws - after all, she's not had a baby before.)

After looking at her personal "page" I see that I am not the only person who was concerned and said something. Just because she says it's convertible and that's why she got it, does not explain that she's hooked it up into her car as a rear facing - or that she just photographed him in it as front facing to show how big he was. A little bit of explanation would have been great. Her comment online is "what's worse - having your baby in rear facing even though he exceeds the weight limit or forward facing because he's under a year old." And, she included the addition that it's a rhetorical question so to keep our opinions to ourselves. She did actually get some advice to do what she wants because he's her baby. {sigh}

The problem is that the law says rear facing until over 12 months and over 20 pounds. Unfortunately, doing what's best for baby isn't always what makes them happy or completely comfortable. Many places are plugging for rear-facing until the baby is two years old. Convertible car seats will have to be changed to accommodate these growing legs because that would be very uncomfortable. My comment back was that hard decisions today make easier decisions later. Kids are going to want to not wear seat belts later or to not be in car seats later so making them do what's safest for them now may be what has to be done. Make a decision today that is for their benefit and decisions later might not be so hard. She deleted all comments that did not support her decision in what she did.

I just read a post from someones Facebook page.... We must all suffer from one of two pains - the pain of discipline now or the pain of regret later. I've had it both ways and I think that the pain of discipline now is much easier to bear.

It is so very true and so very appropriate. My comments were not meant to intrude or to offend - but to provide information that she might not have had. One day she may learn that people aren't trying to tell her what to do when they offer an opinion or a suggestion. Some people may actually know what they are talking about and are just sharing information. Some day... but I won't hold my breath and I won't be talked to with rudeness without saying something back.

Dead-beat parents

I know there are mothers who are dead-beats, but the majority of absent parents are the fathers. Why? Just because the parents are divorced does not mean the children are divorced. I know that a lot of parents (both sides) use the children as tools. That is terribly wrong and I don't condone it on either side. There are also cases of abuse when it's best to keep the child(ren) away from the other parent. I totally get that.

What I don't get are the parents (for ease here, I'm going to say "dads" because that's what we're dealing with) who can just blithely walk out of their children's lives and go about their business as if they never existed. Isaiah misses his dad terribly. He hasn't seen him in nearly three years so it's not like he misses the person who was his dad but he misses the "dad" that he knows other children have. My ex-SIL has been a dead-beat ever since they separated. He had Isaiah for his 2nd birthday and didn't even bother to get him so much as a card. In fact, in the four years since that time, Isaiah has received exactly two gifts from him. One was Valentine's Day in 2008 and that entailed truck-stop stuffed animals. The other gift was a Wal-Mart gift card this past Christmas. They were both sent with no return address. Amy's not had his phone number in at least two years so it's not like she can call him. He's had our address (obviously) and our phone number has always been the same (so has Amy's). That means he could call Isaiah any time he wanted. He just hasn't. In fact, he's not called Isaiah in over two years.

Wednesday evening Isaiah was playing quietly on the floor in front of Ron's chair. He was acting very subdued, which usually means that he doesn't feel well. I asked him what was wrong and all he could say was that he missed his dad. I usually try a light-hearted brush past that and direct him to something else. That night, I instead drew him up onto my lap and we talked. I asked him if he remembered his dad. He said yes, he did - his name was Juan. I asked him what he looked like and he said that he looks like Mommy.

hmmm.... I don't think so. Poor thing wouldn't be able to pick his dad out of a lineup. I told him that Mommy, Grandpa, and I loved him very much and we'd just have to make up for his dad not being around. I explained that when Grandpa and I got married, mommy had a different dad and that Grandpa became her new dad. I said that when mommy got married again that her husband would be his new dad and would love to have him as a son. One day, when the time was right he would have a new dad who would love him and he would have someone to call "dad."

For Isaiah's sake, this can't happen too soon. I don't recall my children being as despondent over their absentee father. Isaiah longs to have a man in his life who will love him, protect him, and be the father that his biological contributor has never been.

I'm praying for this day to come.

Is white good or is white bad?

I know that if the skin is black (or dark) that it is a bad thing. But, what if it is white? I changed Ron's dressing this morning and noticed that inside the hole there is a white spot. Overall, the hole looks better than it did last week. But is it healing or is it dying around it? I just don't know. I'm using Carrasyn on Adaptic, followed by 4 x 4 pads and wrapped with Kerlix.

I don't know what else to do with it. He's not walking much so "staying off of it" is pretty much already happening. Mostly, he walks from the bedroom to the living room, from the living room to the bathroom, and then from the living room to bed at night. He may do some light walking in between to the kitchen, out to the car if we're going somewhere, and very little else. He doesn't want to go back to the wheelchair full-time but he may have to. Dr. Heady may insist when we see him on Monday.

He asks me "how does it look" and I always project the positive. No sense in both of us worrying. I do tell him to stay off of it as much as possible.

That, in addition to prayer, is all I think I can do.

Scary time

Yesterday, Ron discovered how weak and vulnerable he is. He was going out the front door and Maisey was trying to get out. In order to keep her in, he hurriedly shut the door. As the door was latching closed, he realized that he did not have any keys in his pocket and his car was locked, thereby preventing him from opening the garage.

He toddled over to the neighbor's house only to discover that no one was home. After he rested on their porch for a few minutes, he slowly made his way across the street to another home. Luckily, that neighbor was home and saw Ron crawling up the porch steps and came out to help him. He got him indoors, fixed him a glass of ice water, tied his shoes (Ron can't tie his shoes because of his disabilities), and let him use the telephone to call me. With the heat index where it was yesterday, and Ron's overall health, it could have been a fatal mistake on his part.

I know that Ron was very shaken up by this experience. It was a lesson he'll not soon forget.

Movie Review: Up

Ron and I took Isaiah to see Up this past Saturday evening. Isaiah was excited and could barely wait for it to start. He enjoyed the 3-D previews for future releases and I see a couple more movies in our future.

The movie got off to a slow start, with him asking "when" Up would begin. It was hard to explain to him the premise of the beginning since it spans the time of Carl being a young child, growing into adulthood, marrying & losing his childhood sweetheart, and finally becoming a senior citizen. That was just too much for small children to take in.

Ron cried. The portrayal of that time frame was really very realistic with the true essence of what life and death, dreams and losing your dreams, can really mean. It hit home with him especially since he recently lost a family member.

The scrapbook of Ellie's adventures is really nice and I see that being a marketing item. In fact, I would buy one .

Isaiah cried at one point because he didn't want "Kevin" to be hurt. He had great big, sobbing sounds and I knew that others in the theater were looking at him. I explained that the bad guys never win and he he was happy.

All in all, the movie is great. The screenplay is very good and the voices really fit the characters. I would highly recommend this for all ages.

To thong or not to thong

When I was growing up, a "thong" was a rubber-soled shoe with a t-strap between the toes. Now that I'm an adult, the term "thong" has a whole new meaning but it's still a t-strap between two pieces of anatomy. What I'd like to know is who looked at a "thong" and decided that cloth made in that manner would be the next best thing in ladies underwear? I believe it must have been a man because I can't see a woman consciously making that decision.

In looking at children at play, have you ever noticed one who didn't try to remove offending articles of clothing from between the "cheeks"? Why then would those same children actually go shopping for aticles of clothing to put back there??? It is beyond comprehension how that could even be loosely defined as comfortable.

I'm all for no panty lines when I wear slacks. I've looked high and low for undergarments that don't draw attention to what I have on under my slacks and jeans. I wear longer tops to cover my rear but I'm not always successful in hiding things. I absolutely refuse to wear a "thong" so I won't have panty lines. I'm not about to trade lines for jiggle - because, yes... when you take away that piece of material that covers your cheeks, you have jiggle. No matter how small your backside is, moving causes jiggle. Even you skinny girls. Just because you can look in the mirror and not see panty lines does not mean that when you walk everyone else is not aware of what you're wearing - or not wearing.

If I put on a nice pair of slacks and a nice top, I don't want to draw attention to my backside. I don't want someone to look at me and say, "yup - there's a thong in thar." I want comfort and I want style - not being uncomfortable (don't want that floss in there) and not showing what I'm wearing.

Commando sounds pretty appealing....

LOL!

Luther Joe

I found out yesterday that my cousin Luther Joe passed away. This saddens me on two levels - one, because I am unsure of where he was in the Lord, and two, because he was such a man of great strength and character.

Luther Joe was my mother's first cousin and although I don't remember him growing up, I remember his presence at family reunions and what a big BIG man he was - the epitome of the man who seemed to be able to do anything. Luther Joe and Linda (his wife) farmed and raised horses. They were a couple who just seemed to radiate strength and vitality.

A couple of years ago, my mom told me that he had Parkinson's disease and that he had been hiding it for a while. It was sad to think of a man of such stature wasting away from the ravages of disease. I know he will be missed by those whose lives he touched.

The foot prevails

Dr. Heady did end up cutting on Ron's foot. It doesn't look bad but he's to stay off of it again. The blister has gone down into the next layer, which is not a good thing. I dressed it this morning and it looks better than it did last week, so hopefully we're off to a good thing.

Ron said the other night that he thought he was having a heart attack in his sleep. He said that he tried to reach out to me but couldn't lift his hand. He couldn't get the bi-pap mask off of his face to say anything, either. He finally realized that he was dreaming but it caused him some concern. He's spent two nights not sleeping and when he did sleep, it was in his chair. I'm not sure why he thinks sleeping in his chair would be any better than sleeping in the bed with his bi-pap machine on.

He said this morning that the main vein on the left side of his neck hurts. I don't know what that means. I'm not sure that I want to.