"Blue" Christmas

I think I must have seasonal depression or something. No matter how hard I try to be upbeat this time of year, I find myself getting melancholy. I can’t tell you why, or how to fix it. Obviously, I don’t know how to fix it or it wouldn’t be something that seems to repeat itself year after year. I sometimes wonder if the build-up to the event is what causes the crash afterwards. I'm inclined to believe that is the culprit.

I thoroughly enjoy giving gifts to family and friends. I like being creative and putting a lot of thought into the things I buy or make. I don’t usually expect gifts because Ron’s not been consistent with buying gifts (my kids always get me something but this year I even told them to not and to only buy for Isaiah and Alexander). His thought is that if I want something or need something, I can buy it or we can go shopping together. He’s right but there are times when I want him to totally think of me on his own and then work to provide it. Sometimes he does and sometimes he does not.

I am totally thankful for the times that he does and try to mentally be ready for the times he does not. If I plan for nothing, and get something, then I’m doubly pleased. But, if I plan for something and get nothing, then I’m upset. I’d rather plan for nothing so when I get nothing I am not blindsided.

I’ve never neglected to buy him something for Christmas. Even the years when finances were tight I managed to put together something for him, although it may have been a couple of things he needed (such as shirts or work pants). The gift/no gift years are so hit-miss with Ron that I can’t really say how many years I’ve gotten or not gotten a gift that I didn’t pick out – and sometimes even pick up. Even years that he could not have gotten me a gift he could have at least gotten a card - but he did not. Said he just didn't think of it.

We decided that we mostly didn’t have the money for gifts for each other this year. I still got him a watch that has an Eco-drive movement (he doesn’t need one, but he wanted one that he doesn’t have to replace the battery or shake his arm to keep going). I also bought him the complete first season of CSI and a set of 800 threadcount sheets. I gave him the sheets already because his skin has been hurting so much (I thought that would help).

The sheets were a really good deal ($169.99 regular price, on sale for $59.99) so I bought a set for the other bed, too. Ron said I could have gotten cheaper sheets at Wal-Mart. He’s right – but not 800 threadcount. 600 threadcount is the closest in price and they are over $50. So, I decided to give the queen set to my mom for Christmas since she’s got the same sensitive skin issues Ron has. He can't complain about that one - and he wouldn't. He knows how much pain my mom is in.

This year I absolutely don't expect anything from him. He's been in that wheelchair for almost a year, doesn't have a vehicle to drive (even if he did he couldn't get out to drive it), and because he isn't working he doesn't have ready access to money. I'm fine with that.

For real and for sure.