The sun is out today -

In more ways than one...

I've been sick since Thursday afternoon. I felt vertigo coming on a couple of times while we were out at appointments on Thursday but I passed the "moments" off as a fluke - I'd put my head in a couple of awkward positions and that can mimic a vertigo attack. By about 3:00 am Friday morning, I knew I was sick. I got up to visit the bathroom and could barely get there and back. The entire time I'm trying to walk, the entire room is spinning. Once I got some sinus medication (in case congestion was causing it) and got back into bed, I thought I was going to be ill all over the bed. Thankfully, that passed and I didn't have a bed to change.

Friday, I spent nearly the entire day either in bed or on the sofa. Mostly in bed. Any sudden movement started the roller coaster ride and it was not fun. My own private amusement ride, but I was not amused. Lucky for us, our friends Veronica and Garry called to see how Ron was and when they found out I was sick, asked if we needed anything. Soup... Chicken Noodle... my favorite. There are a couple of brands I like best but the only one I could think of was Healthy Choice. It's actually my second fav - the first is Campbell's Select. When I'm sick I usually only want two things - Chicken Noodle soup and ice cream. Sometimes, orange juice if I know I'm not going to eat (have to keep a relatively stable blood sugar).

They brought me two cans of soup and a really pretty hanging plant (can't remember what we decided it was but it's got pretty pinkish flowers on it). I ended up only eating one can of soup and then I had a chocolate shake later in the day.

I didn't think I could manage the dressing change, so I had Ron call his (our) oldest daughter, Stacey. Stacey's oldest daughter has Spina Bifida and, like Ron, has no feeling in her feet. She developed a pressure sore that had to be surgically treated and Stacey had to pack and dress her wound. I knew if anyone could handle it, Stacey would be the one. She came over after work and I directed her to the supplies, told her what the doctor's instructions were, and she fixed him right up. She didn't even need a Xanax! I do have to say the wound looked better last night, so that was a big relief. She went to Sonic for us and got Ron and I each a shake (actually - two each because they were buy one, get one free; the others are for another time - I can slightly defrost in the microwave and eat like ice cream).

I was highly emotional last night and very boo-hooey (I know, that's not a word, but it fits). I had a long talk with her and felt really good afterwards. Ron hadn't even remembered what he'd said to me on Thursday and when I told him what he'd said, and how he'd said it, he was appalled. He could tell that it really upset me and was still upsetting me. I also had some words with Amy on the phone and she didn't think she deserved what I said to her. Probably not, but I was upset at the moment and crying so what I was saying was a bit misunderstood because of the tone I was implying. I did apologize to her and we're fine. We get along great, but like all parents and children, we don't always agree with each other or appreciate what the other has to say.

During my discussion with Stacey, I told her that his comment was very hurtful because my whole world revolves around him. From the time I get up in the morning to the time I go to sleep at night (and also during the night if needed), I'm on call for him. He does nothing - I do it all and the little I do want him to do is so hard for him to manage that I then feel guilty for not just doing it for him. When I hear him sitting on the side of the bed, struggling to get the Bi-Pap mask on, I think I should just get up and do it. When I see him struggling to inject himself with insulin, shaking so badly that he either bends the needle or ends up injecting it into his clothing, I know that I should just go do it. I want him to do what he can for himself because I can't be with him every minute during the day and he's got to be able to do some basic things. I said that I appreciated that she had called to check on him, Amy and Keith had each checked on him, but we have FIVE children who live in this area. I said the two boys (Tim and Aaron) were just a couple of ***es and I have gotten to the point where I know they are and I don't expect anything from them - in fact, I won't ever ask either one of them to do anything for me or their dad at all. Out of the three left over, I was sure I could get someone to do something if I asked (case in point, her coming to change his dressing), but not one has said to me could they do anything to help me take care of their dad. I know that sounds a bit selfish, and I don't mean for it to. He is their father and I appreciate the fact that they are concerned for his health and well-being, but "I" was the one dying and no one was even noticing.

Anyway, we had a nice long talk and I got a lot of stuff off my chest. I came out into the living room and laid down on the sofa. Ron said he was very sorry for what he said and that he didn't even remember saying it. He said he knows that he'd have nothing without me taking care of him and that I do an excellent job of it. He wants me to go ahead and go to Seattle to see Shaun, Jenny, and the kids and he'll stay home; he said I needed to have some time away from him and he's really hesitant to travel with his foot open the way it is. Stacey said she'd come over every day and change his dressing and Keith is going to stay here for the weekend. (He was supposed to come stay with the dog already; he just needs to be reminded that he said he would. Amy's going to be in western Kansas with Rex, where they'll announce their engagement to his family.)

After Stacey left, Ron went in and brushed his teeth. LOL! He said as long as he's getting to the sink to take his medications, he can put out the effort for me to take care of his oral hygiene at the same time. He said he owes that to me - that he should be as considerate of my feelings as he is of outsiders' feelings.

I hope I can redeem our travel insurance for him and get a refund for his travel expenses. I sent them an email (with a picture of his foot attached) but I haven't heard back from them.