Ron

My husband has about reached the end of his rope. He's very close to being to the point where he can no longer cope with the health problems that he is facing. It is so hard to see this gentle man in such pain and agony. His hands have passed the stage of function. His fingers, especially on his right hand, are so stiff today that he said even trying to hold something hurts terribly. His shoulders hurt very badly and his wrists hurt terribly. I don't even have enough adjectives to describe the type and amount of pain that he is in. Trying to transfer from his chair to and from the bed or anything else is so difficult for him. It seems to have gotten worse in the past few days.

His left foot is also giving him more problems. He has Charcot foot in what is left of his left foot. He was diagnosed with Charcot foot several years ago and spent nine months in a cast. Once the foot healed, it had a bit of a deformed shape. After the front half of his foot was amputated in 2006, it developed a squared-off appearance. That shape is changing a bit again. He also has a tight Achilles tendon in that foot and that is another mitigating factor in the Charcot foot. It's not good. Without being able to stand on his left foot, it makes trying to use the right artificial leg virtually impossible. He also thinks that he hurt another ligament in the left knee when he fell the last time.

Tomorrow, I will be calling our family doctor to see if I can get him in to be examined. When you have a 62-year old man sitting in his chair, crying because of the pain and the inability to take care of himself, you have a problem. He is afraid of being put in a rest home and being dependent on staff to feed him and put him on the toilet. He doesn't want to make our lives any more difficult than they already are, but he also doesn't want to just go into a nursing home, either. I made the suggestion that maybe we can get some home health assistance to come in 2-3 days a week. I will talk to the doctor's office tomorrow about that as well. I hate to put a price tag on everything, but unfortunately, there will be quite a high price for all of this.

Some days, my faith is tested more than others. Today is one of those days. What will be the outcome and when will it end? I honestly don't see a long future for Ron and I think he sees that, too. Keith and I were talking the other day and we both believe that the length of time that Ron has left with us is not great. We could be pleasantly surprised (thrilled!) and be totally wrong, but seeing his actions and reactions makes it difficult to see a positive outcome for all of this. I pray for relief for him. I pray for healing for him, but I also know that healing comes in God's time and in God's way. "Healing" may not necessarily mean health in this body but in the removal of life from the body. We have to be prepared for all possible outcomes, whether they be good or otherwise.

I just really pray that God touches Ron's body and grants him peace. I pray that he is able to weather the storms that are coming his way and the storms that he is already experiencing. I pray for healing, in whatever manner God chooses to grant. Ron has got to have some relief from the misery that plagues him. I pray that God hears and has compassion for him.