Happy Anniversary

August 20, 1984

Who would have that that just 19 days after meeting someone on an arranged date, that I’d be getting married to him? Definitely not me, that’s for sure. I’d been down the marriage road before and it had not been a pleasant ride. I got two great kids from it, but that’s about all I was taking away with me. I have to say that I had some nice memories, family times and trips, holidays, etc. but the nice memories just didn’t make up for the other things that had been a part of the first marriage. Ron had also been married before and would have still been married, except his wife divorced him because she was in love with someone else (she’s married to him now).

Along with our children, we brought other things into this union. We brought the promise to always be honest with each other, to always treat each other with respect, to honor each other in front of our children, to support each other, and to present a united front. We promised to never go to bed angry. We promised to never trash each other in front of other friends and family because we both knew that even though we might be speaking out of frustration, those who loved us would have a harder time forgiving and forgetting. I can’t say we were successful 100% of the time, but we each gave 100% and did the best that we could with the equipment and experience that we had.

But, as is common in a lot of 2nd marriages, we also brought some baggage. We didn’t always communicate our wishes well. Sometimes we made decisions based on what we “thought” the other person wanted – decisions that sometimes turned out to NOT be what the other person wanted. Sometimes we let the other person make decisions that we knew in the bottom of our hearts would turn out badly – and sometimes they did. We tried to not say “I told you so,” but sometimes that sentiment came through loud and clear even if the words were not spoken. Sometimes we didn’t do things that we wished we would have and sometimes we did things that we wished we hadn’t. We didn’t take our children to places that maybe we should have or done some of the things with them or for them that we could have.

We tried to always tell our children that we loved them, even when they were being disciplined (that didn’t always happen but we tried). We tried to discipline with integrity instead out of anger. Sometimes we failed. Children don’t come with handbooks and there were times that we were not the best parents we could have been. In fact, there were times when we were miserable examples of parenthood. As I look at my children (as adults), I’m amazed that they are not only productive members of society, but also adults who don’t look back on their childhoods and say how badly we failed them. We know there were times we failed them, but I think they also realize that they will also (as parents) fail at times. As adults, it’s easier to look back at childhoods and see that sometimes what parents thought was the best wasn’t always, but that doesn’t mean that the parents didn’t do the best that could be done under the circumstances.

We also promised “for richer or for poorer,” “for better or for worse,” “in sickness and in health.” We’ve lived all of those and know what kind of stress and strain they can put on a relationship. We’ve had our patience and our faith tested on a regular basis. We’ve walked through the fire and come out victorious on the other side. We’ve relied on each other when there was no one else. We’ve truly discovered what it means to be “as one.”

The past 27 years have not all been a bed of roses and they’ve not all been easy. We’ve made a lot of mistakes along the way. I can look back on them and say the good has outweighed the bad, no matter what has happened.

There is one thing I definitely would not change for all of the riches of the world, the ease that wealth and privilege would buy.

That’s saying “I do.”

Happy Anniversary to my best friend, the love of my life, my true soul-mate.