Each generation has one. I thoroughly enjoy reading the Meanest Mom blog. She sounds like she is definitely in the meanest mom category. I think I was the meanest mom of my generation. We didn't give allowances for doing housework (you live here - you help clean it up), we didn't shop at the "name brand" stores (Wal-mart was good enough for me, it's good enough for you), and we didn't act like we were put on this earth to be our children's personal secretaries, chauffeurs, or maids.
I remember when Amy was about 14 she wanted a sweatshirt with "something" written on it - you know, like Guess, Old Navy, or something. We didn't shop places where you could buy shirts with cutesy logos that screamed "we have more money than we know what to do with, so we're shopping at these high-priced stores." No sirree, we shopped at Wal-mart and K-mart. Sometimes, we shopped at the new "French" store in town - Target'. Or, if we were feeling really flush with money, "Jacques Penney" was our destination.
So, in order to help my child feel like she fit in with her friends and not feel like a social outcast - a true piranha of society - I took one of her sweatshirts and obligingly wrote "something" on it and said, "There, now you have a shirt with something written on it." She was not impressed. I thought the writing was very well done. I don't know what her problem was with it.
We "meanest moms" have to stick together. I think Amy may be working on the title for her generation. I can hardly wait. Check out "Mommy hurt my feelings" on Isaiah's blog to see what I mean.
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
Too good to be true…
When Shaun had to purchase his tickets outright to fly to N. Korea to meet his ship, he was told he could use the already purchased ticket as a voucher for ANYONE, at any time, during the next 12 months. The plan the was to use the money for me to fly out when the ship returned, and to either take Ron, Amy, or Isaiah. We decided I’d take Isaiah and then Amy will fly out at a bit later because she didn't want to take as much vacation time.
In the back of my mind, I was worried that it might be too good to be true. Turns out, I was right. Delta says that Shaun must purchase a ticket in his name – and THEN the remaining can be used as a voucher for anyone else. So, we found “fare deals” online for $59 one way. They won’t let the voucher be used for that. He has to purchase a full-fare ticket (in excess of $300 – that he won’t use) in order to be able to use the rest for someone else. Once he purchases a full-fare ticket, there's not enough money left to buy Isaiah and I each a ticket, and definitely none left over to put towards Amy's. None of us have the money to purchase tickets outright.
Shaun suggested turning the voucher back into the Navy and then asking for a reimbursement from them for the money he spent out of his pocket for the ticket to N. Korea. By the time that would happen, ticket prices will be out of sight and there’d be no way to do it anyway.
I’m disappointed but at least they'll be able to use the voucher when they fly home in October or November so we can all see the new baby.
In the back of my mind, I was worried that it might be too good to be true. Turns out, I was right. Delta says that Shaun must purchase a ticket in his name – and THEN the remaining can be used as a voucher for anyone else. So, we found “fare deals” online for $59 one way. They won’t let the voucher be used for that. He has to purchase a full-fare ticket (in excess of $300 – that he won’t use) in order to be able to use the rest for someone else. Once he purchases a full-fare ticket, there's not enough money left to buy Isaiah and I each a ticket, and definitely none left over to put towards Amy's. None of us have the money to purchase tickets outright.
Shaun suggested turning the voucher back into the Navy and then asking for a reimbursement from them for the money he spent out of his pocket for the ticket to N. Korea. By the time that would happen, ticket prices will be out of sight and there’d be no way to do it anyway.
I’m disappointed but at least they'll be able to use the voucher when they fly home in October or November so we can all see the new baby.
Monday, June 1, 2009
Sticks and Stones...
May break my bones, but words will never hurt me.
That is such an untrue statement. I was listening to a radio message the other morning and that was the premise of the message. I got to thinking about how words hastily spoken can cause a lasting effect on someone. I am just as guilty as the next person of wishing I could retract something that I've said. I can't think of anything more more upsetting than to know my tongue has caused someone else pain.
I cannot recreate the pain I felt when I broke my shoulder at age 14. I cannot remember how much pain I was in when I had knee surgery. I do not know exactly how badly my shoulder hurt after I had rotator cuff surgery (although I do remember it was the most painful surgery I've ever had and I've had a few). I cannot precisely pinpoint how I felt after coming out of general anesthesia, during childbirth, or having a cut forehead sutured up. I can however, recreate the emotional pain I felt when told certain things during the same periods in time, and any other time. Human emotion is a strange thing. We're capable of deep feelings; joy, fear, remorse, sadness, exhilaration, contentment, and despair are just a few. Our bodies experience deep feelings as well, but our brains block out the memory of the pain. We remember that we were hurt, we remember that we were uncomfortable, but we don't remember the precise feelings. We would not be able to go on in life and function normally if we were unable to "forget" the exact feelings.
Why, then, are we unable to let go and forget the emotional pain? I don't know but it's something that I frequently struggle with. My goal each day is to be happy and content; to do so is often a choice - both mentally and physically (for body language needs to express contentment). But, just when I think I have a handle on the things in this life, something will trigger a memory, a perceived slight or injustice, and I find myself back in the same situation, reliving the details. Could I have done something differently? Did I really pick up on an actual event, or is my mind playing tricks and reading things that weren't there? Sometimes it is very hard to separate the facts from the fiction. I would think that most of us would not want to embellish negative periods in our life as that would increase the painful feelings. So when we are reliving an event, is it real or is it more perception than reality?
Those are things that we must identify, dissect, and let go of. Negative feelings do nothing for us except fester like a bad infection. The sooner we can cut out (or do away with) the infection, the better we'll be. There are things that I've said that I cannot go back and undo. I can only ask those that I've insulted and hurt to forgive my actions. I can only hope and pray that they do so.
I will do my best to not hurl words at people in the future.
That is such an untrue statement. I was listening to a radio message the other morning and that was the premise of the message. I got to thinking about how words hastily spoken can cause a lasting effect on someone. I am just as guilty as the next person of wishing I could retract something that I've said. I can't think of anything more more upsetting than to know my tongue has caused someone else pain.
I cannot recreate the pain I felt when I broke my shoulder at age 14. I cannot remember how much pain I was in when I had knee surgery. I do not know exactly how badly my shoulder hurt after I had rotator cuff surgery (although I do remember it was the most painful surgery I've ever had and I've had a few). I cannot precisely pinpoint how I felt after coming out of general anesthesia, during childbirth, or having a cut forehead sutured up. I can however, recreate the emotional pain I felt when told certain things during the same periods in time, and any other time. Human emotion is a strange thing. We're capable of deep feelings; joy, fear, remorse, sadness, exhilaration, contentment, and despair are just a few. Our bodies experience deep feelings as well, but our brains block out the memory of the pain. We remember that we were hurt, we remember that we were uncomfortable, but we don't remember the precise feelings. We would not be able to go on in life and function normally if we were unable to "forget" the exact feelings.
Why, then, are we unable to let go and forget the emotional pain? I don't know but it's something that I frequently struggle with. My goal each day is to be happy and content; to do so is often a choice - both mentally and physically (for body language needs to express contentment). But, just when I think I have a handle on the things in this life, something will trigger a memory, a perceived slight or injustice, and I find myself back in the same situation, reliving the details. Could I have done something differently? Did I really pick up on an actual event, or is my mind playing tricks and reading things that weren't there? Sometimes it is very hard to separate the facts from the fiction. I would think that most of us would not want to embellish negative periods in our life as that would increase the painful feelings. So when we are reliving an event, is it real or is it more perception than reality?
Those are things that we must identify, dissect, and let go of. Negative feelings do nothing for us except fester like a bad infection. The sooner we can cut out (or do away with) the infection, the better we'll be. There are things that I've said that I cannot go back and undo. I can only ask those that I've insulted and hurt to forgive my actions. I can only hope and pray that they do so.
I will do my best to not hurl words at people in the future.
Testing 1-2-3
Just testing out blogging from my cell phone. Pretty slick. I might enjoy having this feature.
Sunday, May 31, 2009
What to do...
As parents, there are times that we are disappointed in our children. I’m sure that I’ve disappointed my parents during my lifetime, and I continue to disappoint my heavenly father – probably for some reason every day of my life. It doesn’t mean that I don’t try to do better or try to “not” disappoint people, but I’m sure that I do. It’s not surprising that my own children (and step-children) also disappoint us, their parents. It doesn’t mean that I don’t love them and I do get over my disappointment, but it doesn’t help the matter at the time. We’re not perfect and never will be. We just have to be the best that we can be and do the best that we can. Every day of the week, every week of the month, and every month of the year. Failure is inevitable some days, but we just have to keep on keeping on.
My son just told me to kiss his rear. Well, not exactly - but close – the “G-rated” version. He thinks that I think that he feigns illness every time he's supposed to come over. I don't. I do think that he's used it as a crutch in the past but that doesn't mean that I think he uses it to get out of things. He gets bronchitis easily. He has allergies and when something causes them to flare up, he gets sick. I know this and I accept this. But, when he's supposed to come here to help, waiting until more than 24 hours after he's supposed to be here to tell me he's sick does not sit well with me. He can't find his phone. OK - get on the computer and send me a note. I can handle that. And, when you’re sick – go to the doctor!!! Get medication for it!! Treat the allergies before they become a full-blown illness!!
What I can't handle is being talked to the way he was talking to me. I don't deserve it and it was uncalled for. He got his friend’s phone and called me and blasted me over the phone. Even when I’m upset with his actions I don’t talk to him like that. So, I told him that if he was done blasting me, I was done listening. I hung up on him. He called back and I sent it to ignore. He left a message. It was nicer.
So I called the friend’s number back and he wouldn’t answer. That’s fine. I guess that’s tit for tat. I couldn’t even talk on the phone anyway. I don’t trust my voice to not squeak or break. I can only be so tough for so long and then I have my moments of breaking, too. I’m there.
I'm just as upset with other family members who could - and don't - step up to the plate and help out. Amy could have hung around this weekend and helped me out but she chose to head north instead. It's her prerogative to do so and I'm not angry - just hurt. She said that she spent seven hours cleaning Rex’s house a couple of weekends ago. That’s great – I’m sure that it needed it. But so does ours. My house hasn’t been properly cleaned in so many months that it’s not even funny. Why don’t I do it??? That’s a very good question and I do housework. But, I haven’t had the energy to do the really deep stuff – the windows, floorboards, trim, etc. in quite a while. I’m tired. Stress will do that to you and even though I have a happy face at work and everyone says they’re amazed at how cheerful I am, I am just a good actress. I AM STRESSED almost beyond my ability to cope and deal with it.
Tim called every day when he knew that Ron was going to give him a piece of musical equipment – but couldn’t even stick around 10 minutes to visit with his dad when he picked it up. He hasn’t called since to see how he’s doing. That just hurts to the bone. When the kids were little, we did things for Ron’s mom – or asked if we could do things for her – on a regular basis. We called to check on her, ask how they’re doing, or to just chat. I can’t even think of the last time that Tim called to just chat with his dad, and even longer since he called to see how he was doing.
Aaron came over one day to work in the yard and made arrangements to return the next week. He did not show up – or call – so Ron called him and said that his reputation was the most important thing he had and that when he made a commitment to be somewhere, at least a phone call was owed if he could not make it. So, the next time Aaron did call. He’s having car problems and couldn’t drive over. I get that – I’m sorry for his car problems. But, he lives ½ mile away and could either ask me to come get him, walk, or ride his bike. We haven’t asked him to come back and I don’t expect that I will.
I feel like I’m totally at the bottom of the food chain – even a step below Ron. They all know that I’ll take care of him, no matter what. But who is going to take care of me? LOL – guess it’s just me.
I was pretty upset this morning, as I was in tears trying to figure out how to work things. I couldn’t get the rain train to work because I’m not strong enough to pull the plug. The “stop” that hooks up on the hose is behind the freezer. I couldn’t get that either. I don’t know how to empty the bagger so now that it’s full I can’t go on and mow more. Even if I knew how to empty it, I’m not sure I have the strength to dump it into the trash bag. I tried to be as quiet as I could but I had to mow right outside Ron’s bedroom window. He was waiting for me when I came back inside. I wish he had been able to sleep through it because then I could have had my melt-down in private. As much as I don’t want others to see me be weak, I don’t want him to see it even more.
It’s not like I could (or would) ask the neighbors for help. One kid who owes us $40 from last year is over at one neighbor’s on a regular basis. He’s never offered to come over and see how he could pay us. I’ve tried to get his mother to come give us a bid for the back yard but can’t get that done, either. None of the neighbors around here seem very helpful.
I don’t even know what to do anymore. I’m tired of sounding like all I do is whine any more. That’s no fun. Each of the ones who matter to me the most think that I'm trying to lay guilt-trips on them. I'm not and I will not mention my house woes to them again.
Update: Keith came over and mowed - and apologized for being such a jerk. He said that he had no right to talk to me that way. I agreed and accepted his apology. No one likes to be talked to that way and I am no different. I let him know that no matter how upset "children" are with their parents, they are showing disrespect when talking like he was. He agreed. He's really a good kid and I love him lots.
My son just told me to kiss his rear. Well, not exactly - but close – the “G-rated” version. He thinks that I think that he feigns illness every time he's supposed to come over. I don't. I do think that he's used it as a crutch in the past but that doesn't mean that I think he uses it to get out of things. He gets bronchitis easily. He has allergies and when something causes them to flare up, he gets sick. I know this and I accept this. But, when he's supposed to come here to help, waiting until more than 24 hours after he's supposed to be here to tell me he's sick does not sit well with me. He can't find his phone. OK - get on the computer and send me a note. I can handle that. And, when you’re sick – go to the doctor!!! Get medication for it!! Treat the allergies before they become a full-blown illness!!
What I can't handle is being talked to the way he was talking to me. I don't deserve it and it was uncalled for. He got his friend’s phone and called me and blasted me over the phone. Even when I’m upset with his actions I don’t talk to him like that. So, I told him that if he was done blasting me, I was done listening. I hung up on him. He called back and I sent it to ignore. He left a message. It was nicer.
So I called the friend’s number back and he wouldn’t answer. That’s fine. I guess that’s tit for tat. I couldn’t even talk on the phone anyway. I don’t trust my voice to not squeak or break. I can only be so tough for so long and then I have my moments of breaking, too. I’m there.
I'm just as upset with other family members who could - and don't - step up to the plate and help out. Amy could have hung around this weekend and helped me out but she chose to head north instead. It's her prerogative to do so and I'm not angry - just hurt. She said that she spent seven hours cleaning Rex’s house a couple of weekends ago. That’s great – I’m sure that it needed it. But so does ours. My house hasn’t been properly cleaned in so many months that it’s not even funny. Why don’t I do it??? That’s a very good question and I do housework. But, I haven’t had the energy to do the really deep stuff – the windows, floorboards, trim, etc. in quite a while. I’m tired. Stress will do that to you and even though I have a happy face at work and everyone says they’re amazed at how cheerful I am, I am just a good actress. I AM STRESSED almost beyond my ability to cope and deal with it.
Tim called every day when he knew that Ron was going to give him a piece of musical equipment – but couldn’t even stick around 10 minutes to visit with his dad when he picked it up. He hasn’t called since to see how he’s doing. That just hurts to the bone. When the kids were little, we did things for Ron’s mom – or asked if we could do things for her – on a regular basis. We called to check on her, ask how they’re doing, or to just chat. I can’t even think of the last time that Tim called to just chat with his dad, and even longer since he called to see how he was doing.
Aaron came over one day to work in the yard and made arrangements to return the next week. He did not show up – or call – so Ron called him and said that his reputation was the most important thing he had and that when he made a commitment to be somewhere, at least a phone call was owed if he could not make it. So, the next time Aaron did call. He’s having car problems and couldn’t drive over. I get that – I’m sorry for his car problems. But, he lives ½ mile away and could either ask me to come get him, walk, or ride his bike. We haven’t asked him to come back and I don’t expect that I will.
I feel like I’m totally at the bottom of the food chain – even a step below Ron. They all know that I’ll take care of him, no matter what. But who is going to take care of me? LOL – guess it’s just me.
I was pretty upset this morning, as I was in tears trying to figure out how to work things. I couldn’t get the rain train to work because I’m not strong enough to pull the plug. The “stop” that hooks up on the hose is behind the freezer. I couldn’t get that either. I don’t know how to empty the bagger so now that it’s full I can’t go on and mow more. Even if I knew how to empty it, I’m not sure I have the strength to dump it into the trash bag. I tried to be as quiet as I could but I had to mow right outside Ron’s bedroom window. He was waiting for me when I came back inside. I wish he had been able to sleep through it because then I could have had my melt-down in private. As much as I don’t want others to see me be weak, I don’t want him to see it even more.
It’s not like I could (or would) ask the neighbors for help. One kid who owes us $40 from last year is over at one neighbor’s on a regular basis. He’s never offered to come over and see how he could pay us. I’ve tried to get his mother to come give us a bid for the back yard but can’t get that done, either. None of the neighbors around here seem very helpful.
I don’t even know what to do anymore. I’m tired of sounding like all I do is whine any more. That’s no fun. Each of the ones who matter to me the most think that I'm trying to lay guilt-trips on them. I'm not and I will not mention my house woes to them again.
Update: Keith came over and mowed - and apologized for being such a jerk. He said that he had no right to talk to me that way. I agreed and accepted his apology. No one likes to be talked to that way and I am no different. I let him know that no matter how upset "children" are with their parents, they are showing disrespect when talking like he was. He agreed. He's really a good kid and I love him lots.
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Life in general
I am a bit on the stressed side. Amy told me tonight that I was edgy. Hmmm... hadn't thought of "edgy" as being such a bad thing. Oh well. Life is happening and sometimes I think it would be nice to just step onto the sidelines and watch it go by.
That's not happening. I sat down and figured our budget - income and outgo. It's not a pretty sight but it's doable. There will have to be some sacrifices made on our parts until we get other things taken care of, but with perseverance and determination I think - no, I believe - it can be done.
First, I will put us on a home-cooked meal diet. Eating out will become a thing of the past and only for special occasions in the future. Ron can learn to eat what is here or he can just go hungry. The p'zones from Pizza Hut are done. Seriously, as of tonight they're done (he had his favorite tonight while I had chicken wings). Starbucks (as if I really bought them anyway) is also a thing of the past. I don't buy much coffee out, but I do sometimes buy a McDonald's mocha or a Sonic mocha. No more. No trips to the theater (they don't happen much anyway, but they'll happen less now).
I have to figure out a plan of attack so I can focus on one thing at a time. That will be tough because things keep coming up. It would be really nice if KCI would just say that we didn't owe them any more money. That's a dream... Every time I get a statement from them, I owe them more and I'm paying $130 each month. In January they said I owed $5039; I've paid $650 since then and my last statement said I owed nearly $5500. It would be really nice if that "anonymously" got paid. LOL- another dream.
I'm going to wean myself off a couple of my medications to see if I can get by without them. Omeprazole and Estradiol are only being taken M-W-F now and I'm going to cut them back to 2x per week and see how I do. I take Welbutrin once daily (used to be twice) and I'm going to cut back to 3x per week for 2 weeks, then 2x per week for 2 weeks, and then 1x and then stop. I'll see if anxiety attacks come back or if they are a thing of the past. That's only a $15 per month savings but it is drugs out of the system and maybe my body will be healthier. I take all generics except for one, and it's $15 per month. I'd quit taking it but my blood sugar has really improved since I've been on it so I hesitate to give that one up. Maybe I can switch to every other day instead. If I did that, then I'd save another $7.50 per month. I take two different diuretics so maybe I can switch to just one and that's another $5.00 per month. Then, I take a medication for restless leg syndrome and I know that I don't want to give that up, but maybe I can cut back to one pill instead of two. That's another $2.50 per month since one prescription will last 60 days instead of 30. Let's see... the total savings for me would be $25 per month. That's about the same amount as our water bill - so worth a shot to see.
We're still getting medical bills from last summer that were either filed incorrectly or insurance paid incorrectly. Some of them I'm just paying. It's easier to pay the money (less than $50) than it is to argue that it was a covered service and filed incorrectly. Other bills, I'm going to bat for because I should only have a co-pay for the doctor's visit - not one for the doctor's visit and one for the dressing change on the same visit. I especially get riled up over that one when we also paid for the dressing (lovely KCI thing). The dressing itself was $75 and the charge for changing the dressing was $108. Not fun.
Then we owe Uncle Sam a little bit of money on our taxes. Not because we didn't have enough withheld but because we THOUGHT they were withholding the correct amount (the first half of the disbursement was correct, the second half was not). With interest and penalties, the bill was substantial. We've paid over 1/2 of it (closer to 2/3) and would love for them to take off the penalties. Or, for someone to give us $3,000 to pay it off. LOL - another dream.
And then, we have the yard. And, the river rock. And, the well. And, the sprinkler. Where's my fairy godmother when I need her? Or - Extreme Makeover, Oprah, Ellen, HGTV, or whoever to come to our rescue. LOL - I know, I know - just dreaming.
Sometimes dreaming is the only thing that keeps me going from one day to the next. I'm not complaining but it does get tiring to have to think about it all. Keith came over and mowed a couple of times and did some of the trimming (Keith - the grass along the lake has to be trimmed, too). Aaron came over another day and did some yard work. That was a big help. Isaiah and I got some ground ready for planting and then I planted (one) and Amy planted (most) some flowers. I want to dig up some day lilys from a friend's house and plant them along the utility box in the back yard.
Generally speaking, I have a good life. I have a husband who loves me, children who love me, grandchildren who love me, many good friends, and a good job. I have a roof over my head, food in the house, and a car to drive. There is so much that I have to be thankful for - and I am very thankful. There's just a lot of stuff that has stress added to it and that makes it tough. But, everyone has stress. My stress level is no less difficult for me than yours is for you - and vice versa. I would never say that I have it worse than anyone else because I don't know what goes on behind closed doors. I don't know what kinds of demons they are fighting or what kinds of sacrifices they are making. I will say that there are people who have it worse than I do and struggle every day just to put some food on the table for their families, or to find a safe place to sleep. I pray for these people and ask that God will place them in areas where they will get the help they need. I pray that I am the helping hand when God places me in the time and the place to be of His service.
Until then - and between those times - I pray that God sends us the helping hands that we need.
That's not happening. I sat down and figured our budget - income and outgo. It's not a pretty sight but it's doable. There will have to be some sacrifices made on our parts until we get other things taken care of, but with perseverance and determination I think - no, I believe - it can be done.
First, I will put us on a home-cooked meal diet. Eating out will become a thing of the past and only for special occasions in the future. Ron can learn to eat what is here or he can just go hungry. The p'zones from Pizza Hut are done. Seriously, as of tonight they're done (he had his favorite tonight while I had chicken wings). Starbucks (as if I really bought them anyway) is also a thing of the past. I don't buy much coffee out, but I do sometimes buy a McDonald's mocha or a Sonic mocha. No more. No trips to the theater (they don't happen much anyway, but they'll happen less now).
I have to figure out a plan of attack so I can focus on one thing at a time. That will be tough because things keep coming up. It would be really nice if KCI would just say that we didn't owe them any more money. That's a dream... Every time I get a statement from them, I owe them more and I'm paying $130 each month. In January they said I owed $5039; I've paid $650 since then and my last statement said I owed nearly $5500. It would be really nice if that "anonymously" got paid. LOL- another dream.
I'm going to wean myself off a couple of my medications to see if I can get by without them. Omeprazole and Estradiol are only being taken M-W-F now and I'm going to cut them back to 2x per week and see how I do. I take Welbutrin once daily (used to be twice) and I'm going to cut back to 3x per week for 2 weeks, then 2x per week for 2 weeks, and then 1x and then stop. I'll see if anxiety attacks come back or if they are a thing of the past. That's only a $15 per month savings but it is drugs out of the system and maybe my body will be healthier. I take all generics except for one, and it's $15 per month. I'd quit taking it but my blood sugar has really improved since I've been on it so I hesitate to give that one up. Maybe I can switch to every other day instead. If I did that, then I'd save another $7.50 per month. I take two different diuretics so maybe I can switch to just one and that's another $5.00 per month. Then, I take a medication for restless leg syndrome and I know that I don't want to give that up, but maybe I can cut back to one pill instead of two. That's another $2.50 per month since one prescription will last 60 days instead of 30. Let's see... the total savings for me would be $25 per month. That's about the same amount as our water bill - so worth a shot to see.
We're still getting medical bills from last summer that were either filed incorrectly or insurance paid incorrectly. Some of them I'm just paying. It's easier to pay the money (less than $50) than it is to argue that it was a covered service and filed incorrectly. Other bills, I'm going to bat for because I should only have a co-pay for the doctor's visit - not one for the doctor's visit and one for the dressing change on the same visit. I especially get riled up over that one when we also paid for the dressing (lovely KCI thing). The dressing itself was $75 and the charge for changing the dressing was $108. Not fun.
Then we owe Uncle Sam a little bit of money on our taxes. Not because we didn't have enough withheld but because we THOUGHT they were withholding the correct amount (the first half of the disbursement was correct, the second half was not). With interest and penalties, the bill was substantial. We've paid over 1/2 of it (closer to 2/3) and would love for them to take off the penalties. Or, for someone to give us $3,000 to pay it off. LOL - another dream.
And then, we have the yard. And, the river rock. And, the well. And, the sprinkler. Where's my fairy godmother when I need her? Or - Extreme Makeover, Oprah, Ellen, HGTV, or whoever to come to our rescue. LOL - I know, I know - just dreaming.
Sometimes dreaming is the only thing that keeps me going from one day to the next. I'm not complaining but it does get tiring to have to think about it all. Keith came over and mowed a couple of times and did some of the trimming (Keith - the grass along the lake has to be trimmed, too). Aaron came over another day and did some yard work. That was a big help. Isaiah and I got some ground ready for planting and then I planted (one) and Amy planted (most) some flowers. I want to dig up some day lilys from a friend's house and plant them along the utility box in the back yard.
Generally speaking, I have a good life. I have a husband who loves me, children who love me, grandchildren who love me, many good friends, and a good job. I have a roof over my head, food in the house, and a car to drive. There is so much that I have to be thankful for - and I am very thankful. There's just a lot of stuff that has stress added to it and that makes it tough. But, everyone has stress. My stress level is no less difficult for me than yours is for you - and vice versa. I would never say that I have it worse than anyone else because I don't know what goes on behind closed doors. I don't know what kinds of demons they are fighting or what kinds of sacrifices they are making. I will say that there are people who have it worse than I do and struggle every day just to put some food on the table for their families, or to find a safe place to sleep. I pray for these people and ask that God will place them in areas where they will get the help they need. I pray that I am the helping hand when God places me in the time and the place to be of His service.
Until then - and between those times - I pray that God sends us the helping hands that we need.
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Ugh! A new blister
I'm so disappointed.
I looked at Ron's heel on Saturday and he's got a new blister. It's not bad, but it's definitely there and has blood under the skin. I am a bit nervous about what the doctor will say on Monday.
Ron is worried that he's going to have a big setback. I don't know but I sure don't like the thought. I just don't think I can do this again right now.
I was just getting things on an even keel.
I looked at Ron's heel on Saturday and he's got a new blister. It's not bad, but it's definitely there and has blood under the skin. I am a bit nervous about what the doctor will say on Monday.
Ron is worried that he's going to have a big setback. I don't know but I sure don't like the thought. I just don't think I can do this again right now.
I was just getting things on an even keel.
Monday, May 18, 2009
Name change
I decided that "soapymomponders" was really not very reflective of the "who" and "what" for this blog, so I changed the name.
It is now The Middle Side of Life. I'm sure it won't make sense to many, and that's OK. The premise is I'm not at one side or the other side in my life - I'm in the middle side, burning the candle at both ends and, quite often, in the middle as well.
The middle side seemed to pop into my mind and seemed to fit - for this time and place. As things progress and evolve, the name may also undergo a new transformation.
But, for now, I am in the middle and being pulled in all directions. The name fits.
For now...
It is now The Middle Side of Life. I'm sure it won't make sense to many, and that's OK. The premise is I'm not at one side or the other side in my life - I'm in the middle side, burning the candle at both ends and, quite often, in the middle as well.
The middle side seemed to pop into my mind and seemed to fit - for this time and place. As things progress and evolve, the name may also undergo a new transformation.
But, for now, I am in the middle and being pulled in all directions. The name fits.
For now...
Pieces of me; pieces of her
My first marriage was pretty much a disaster; so was hers.
I got two great kids out of the deal; she got one.
I met someone else and fell in love; so did she.
He wasn’t ready to commit; neither is he.
He loved me oh, so much; so does he.
Too bad I had kids; same with him.
He was afraid to be a parent; so is he.
He liked the fancy-free single life; so does he.
He’d been burned before; so has he.
I’m not the same person as the other one; neither is she.
I thought I would die inside; so does she.
Pushing away was the natural reaction; so be it with her.
Self-preservation was instinctively ingrained; same with her.
He knew I cared too much but couldn’t change; the same with him.
I was concerned about the path I followed; so is she.
My children were my first priority; so is hers.
One man did not want them; same with hers.
I couldn’t put them through it again; nor can she.
Was my love not enough to make him see; same with her?
Would he mourn the loss if we were gone; same with him?
How long is long enough to wait on love; same with her?
How long is long enough to heal the pain; pieces of me, pieces of her?
That’s kind of a convoluted comparison between two people, two generations with the same ideals, same desires, and the same luck with men. I moved on and she may, too. It’s just painful to watch because I know exactly what she’s going through. He also had a family who wasn’t terribly supportive of him bringing someone else’s children into the mix. Outwardly, they were great; behind the scenes I wasn’t so sure.
I decided that God used him for a season, and for a reason. I don’t have to know why, but once I looked at the bigger picture I decided that it was safe and it was right for me to have had those feelings. I needed the time and the freedom the relationship gave me. I needed to know that I was still able to have a normal, healthy relationship with someone and know that I was still alive. I was so afraid that I was unlovable that God had to send me someone to show that I was not. That was a stepping stone; she may be going through the same phase.
We can only hope and pray that he sees the value of this one and realizes just what he could be giving up. Is his lifestyle worth the price he’ll pay?
I got two great kids out of the deal; she got one.
I met someone else and fell in love; so did she.
He wasn’t ready to commit; neither is he.
He loved me oh, so much; so does he.
Too bad I had kids; same with him.
He was afraid to be a parent; so is he.
He liked the fancy-free single life; so does he.
He’d been burned before; so has he.
I’m not the same person as the other one; neither is she.
I thought I would die inside; so does she.
Pushing away was the natural reaction; so be it with her.
Self-preservation was instinctively ingrained; same with her.
He knew I cared too much but couldn’t change; the same with him.
I was concerned about the path I followed; so is she.
My children were my first priority; so is hers.
One man did not want them; same with hers.
I couldn’t put them through it again; nor can she.
Was my love not enough to make him see; same with her?
Would he mourn the loss if we were gone; same with him?
How long is long enough to wait on love; same with her?
How long is long enough to heal the pain; pieces of me, pieces of her?
That’s kind of a convoluted comparison between two people, two generations with the same ideals, same desires, and the same luck with men. I moved on and she may, too. It’s just painful to watch because I know exactly what she’s going through. He also had a family who wasn’t terribly supportive of him bringing someone else’s children into the mix. Outwardly, they were great; behind the scenes I wasn’t so sure.
I decided that God used him for a season, and for a reason. I don’t have to know why, but once I looked at the bigger picture I decided that it was safe and it was right for me to have had those feelings. I needed the time and the freedom the relationship gave me. I needed to know that I was still able to have a normal, healthy relationship with someone and know that I was still alive. I was so afraid that I was unlovable that God had to send me someone to show that I was not. That was a stepping stone; she may be going through the same phase.
We can only hope and pray that he sees the value of this one and realizes just what he could be giving up. Is his lifestyle worth the price he’ll pay?
Sunday, May 17, 2009
Opinion: Farrah's Story
Ron and I watched Farrah's Story on Friday night. In my opinion, it was very well-done and touched on a lot of facts. Although it skimmed over a few things, such as the cost of drugs and the availability of them in the US, it really gave a broad look at living with, and fighting, the ravages of cancer.
I wish it had said "how" people get this type of cancer, what to look for, what kind of screening process is it, etc. Is it a by-product of smoking or some other lifestyle that is less than healthy? Why is there so little discussion and research done on this type of cancer? What kinds of treatments are beneficial and at what stage in the disease are they done?
Sure, Farrah had the money to make the trips to Germany. I don't begrudge that at all. If she could afford it, why not do it. It's just a shame that she HAD to travel to Germany to receive this care. Her obvious struggle with the nausea, vomiting, fatigue, and over-all health were very sad to watch, but not something that I think was morbid or disgusting. Cancer is something that will touch so many lives that any publicity it gets that will generate more research and funding should be applauded, and not ridiculed.
I applaud the fact that Farrah went after the medical personnel who so callously were selling private information to tabloids. Tabloids are shameless about creating hype where there should be none and intruding into the lives of others. The public has helped to create this mad frenzy of “gotta have it” for more information, but the tabloids feed into it. If both sides were to back off, then maybe there would be room for more truthful reporting.
I am happy to see that Ryan O’Neal is by her side and I think that he truly loves her. Yes, he’s an actor and would be good at showing emotions that are not genuine, but I don’t think that anyone who lives with a cancer patient can fake those emotions. No matter how indifferent someone thinks they may be, you can’t watch someone else’s suffering and remain immune.
There is some talk about this presentation not being what Farrah had in mind. That’s too bad, but we shouldn’t lose sight of the fact that it still brought a lot of information out – just not enough in some areas. I was sad to see that the jailer felt he needed to leave Redmond in ankle cuffs for what will probably be his last visit with his mother. The fact that Farrah’s face was not shown towards the end of the show indicates just how sick she is right now.
One of the comments that Farrah made during the show was that while she knows everyone has got to die, she does not want to die from this disease and she could surely use a miracle. Sadly, it looks as if her miracle is not happening but maybe her miracle was in the extra time that she was given. Maybe her miracle was being able to produce this documentary for others to learn from.
I wish it had said "how" people get this type of cancer, what to look for, what kind of screening process is it, etc. Is it a by-product of smoking or some other lifestyle that is less than healthy? Why is there so little discussion and research done on this type of cancer? What kinds of treatments are beneficial and at what stage in the disease are they done?
Sure, Farrah had the money to make the trips to Germany. I don't begrudge that at all. If she could afford it, why not do it. It's just a shame that she HAD to travel to Germany to receive this care. Her obvious struggle with the nausea, vomiting, fatigue, and over-all health were very sad to watch, but not something that I think was morbid or disgusting. Cancer is something that will touch so many lives that any publicity it gets that will generate more research and funding should be applauded, and not ridiculed.
I applaud the fact that Farrah went after the medical personnel who so callously were selling private information to tabloids. Tabloids are shameless about creating hype where there should be none and intruding into the lives of others. The public has helped to create this mad frenzy of “gotta have it” for more information, but the tabloids feed into it. If both sides were to back off, then maybe there would be room for more truthful reporting.
I am happy to see that Ryan O’Neal is by her side and I think that he truly loves her. Yes, he’s an actor and would be good at showing emotions that are not genuine, but I don’t think that anyone who lives with a cancer patient can fake those emotions. No matter how indifferent someone thinks they may be, you can’t watch someone else’s suffering and remain immune.
There is some talk about this presentation not being what Farrah had in mind. That’s too bad, but we shouldn’t lose sight of the fact that it still brought a lot of information out – just not enough in some areas. I was sad to see that the jailer felt he needed to leave Redmond in ankle cuffs for what will probably be his last visit with his mother. The fact that Farrah’s face was not shown towards the end of the show indicates just how sick she is right now.
One of the comments that Farrah made during the show was that while she knows everyone has got to die, she does not want to die from this disease and she could surely use a miracle. Sadly, it looks as if her miracle is not happening but maybe her miracle was in the extra time that she was given. Maybe her miracle was being able to produce this documentary for others to learn from.
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