Should I, should I, should I???

Should I worry about him ordering and eating pizza – or just let it go?
Should I just keep on keeping on?
How do I counteract such activity when I feel like it’s adding to his problems?
Should I just go buy a bunch of snacks and stuff for him to have at the house? Wouldn’t that be telling him I’ve given up? I just don’t know what avenue to take with this. I have so many thoughts and I feel like I’m being negative when I write them down. I don’t want to be negative. I really want to write positive things down, but it’s harder and harder some days to find the positive.

I told him on the way to the doctor’s about how hard it is to keep a budget under control when it’s so full of ordering out. He was asking if there was a diet limeade in his future but since we were on the way to his foot appointment, I said not at this particular moment. Then, when we got there he asked me if I had enough change to get him a diet Dr. Pepper. I did, so I did – and figured that the diet limeade was no longer an issue. I told him how I’ve not spent any money at the deli (except once) all year and that people go out to eat all the time but I don’t – I stay in so I don’t spend any money. I explained that I’ve probably not spent $5 in the machines all year and that’s with buying water a couple of times. I only drink Starbucks when Amy buys it (I have bought it once). I said it’s just hard to stay on top of things with the constant flow of money going out to fast food places. So, on the way home I asked him if I put him some chili in the microwave bowl, with the lid, if he could heat it up for himself for lunch. He said sure. I ate a bowl of cereal and asked him what I could get him. He chose to have two granola bars. I got him a gallon of water, fixed myself a lunch and headed out the door.

I wasn’t checking his account but I was checking the main one and saw the $50 I put in his account on Friday was down to $19. I’m just fried. I called him up and said “I guess the conversation we had on the way to the doctor’s went in one ear and out the other.” He said it didn’t but he ordered two p’zones, a 2-litre of diet Pepsi, and a medium cheese pizza – figuring that would be good to feed whoever was here tonight. He was hungry and says he was thinking ahead.

I cleaned the little tomatoes for him and he said he was eating on those. I am just so ticked about him and food. He can just eat himself to death. I’m absolutely FINISHED with trying to help him. I mean it. He doesn’t care any more about himself and my effort and what I have to do, and what he’s doing for the future, then I cannot let myself care either. It sounds harsh, but it’s tough love. I cannot let him destroy me while he’s in the process of destroying himself.

I probably shouldn’t say stuff like that. So – there… I took it all back.

Seriously, the man has got to be insane to think that this behavior is OK. It’s putting him more at risk for complications. He’s already having problems with weight gain. I am sure he’s depressed and depressed people either don’t eat or they eat too much. He’s got to be in the latter. I honestly don’t know where else I can either cut corners, or how to have the stuff in the house that he will fix. It seems that no matter where I put the stuff, he’s always got the excuse that he couldn’t find anything to eat or there wasn’t anything there to eat.

Note: He called me later at work and apologized. Said he realized I was scrimping and cutting back, and he blows that much money on pizza and he could see that it was not something he should have done. I did stop at Target on the way home and bought snacks, microwave soup, Kashi GoLean cereal, 100 calorie packs of different things, and some peanuts. Hopefully, he'll be able to "find" something that interests him.