"I'm a size 2 - 4"

Did you happen to catch Oprah yesterday? Her guests were Valerie Bertinelli, Marie Osmond, and Star Jones. Valerie and Marie each had about 15 minutes of time and Star’s story took the rest. It was pretty interesting to watch but I think in the 15 minutes that Marie was being interviewed, she said she was a size 2 – 4 at least three times, and maybe four. I was born that size. Even when I’m at my skinniest, sickliest looking I’m no where near a size 2 – 4.

Call me crazy, but I like Marie Osmond and Valerie Bertinelli. I wasn't too familiar with Star Jones - only the negative stuff that I'd heard when she "refused" to discuss how she lost weight. It was her right to refuse to discuss it. It was no one's business but hers. I was totally on her side with that. After last night's interview, I can say that I like Star Jones, too. I think she's totally real and was very honest in her comments. She verbalized things that I'm sure many of us feel and are unable to verbalize.

Food can become your best friend and your worst nightmare - all at the same time. I've battled a weight problem my whole life - well, since puberty anyway. I've commented before how my dad, in his infinite wisdom, used to tell me that no one wanted a fat wife and I'd never get married. Obviously, he was wrong but between his comments, my brothers' comments, and my first husband's comments - the ground work was laid for me to be obsessed with food. I've hidden to eat, I've hidden things I've eaten, and I've hidden things to eat later. I've never been anorexic and I've never purged. But there have been times that I've really wished I had the guts to purge. And the guts to starve myself.

I've tried (among others):

• Weight Watchers
• Atkins
• Cookie Diet
• HMR liquid diet
• Metabolife
• Cabbage soup diet
• MediFast
• South Beach diet
• Phen-Fen
• many, many more...

I'd lose weight on all of them, but when I quit the diet and started eating again, the weight always came back. Usually with a few friends. Each time it was harder and harder to lose anything.

What I needed instead was a healthy approach to food and to eating. I think that I've made real strides in the past 18 months toward this goal. I still need to lose 30-40 pounds but having already lost 50 is a big plus to me. I've changed my wardrobe a couple of times because I've dropped at least four sizes. I still wear some things that are too big for me just because I can't see myself in a smaller size or I don't want things to cling to me. But, I know that some of the things I wear are just TOO big and should not be worn. I've put on a few things in the last month and decided they just had to go.

I would love to do either Jenny Craig or NutriSystem. The cost is prohibitive. I don't know how "normal" people who have to buy groceries for a family can afford to spend $300 a month on one person's food. I know I cannot. I've looked into the programs in the past and they are just out of the ball park for me. A couple of years ago, I bought Ron one month of NutriSystem because he thought he wanted to try it. He did not like the food so it lasted him more than one month. I liked the things so I ate what he didn't. Some of the stuff was icky but that's the chance you take.

I don't know how much Jenny Craig is, but I'm sure the cost is comparable to NutriSystem. I just need to figure out a system that will work for me and not break the bank. I love fresh produce (which is an "extra" on those plans anyway - in addition to the program cost) so could maybe build something around the available options in the area.

We shall see... I'd like to be headed toward my goal weight before the end of the year. That's my goal.

I haven't tried wiring my jaw shut. Maybe I should think about that choice.