And a new week is beginning...

I've been pretty much absent on the blogosphere the last couple of weeks. Life has been very busy around here, what with packing and all. I can say that my kitchen is down to just the barest of essentials. I have packed more things (and tossed more things) and sorted to donate and sell more things than I remembered owning! I've even down-sized over the past few years. It's amazing how this stuff just multiplies!!! Amy still has a bunch of stuff here so next weekend (or the next) she has to come and get some stuff.

I walked into the downstairs utility room (which is also our storage room) and just said "not today" and turned around and walked out. A lot of the stuff in there is either going to the garage sale or to her house - or to her garage sale. Some of it is Christmas decorations that will go straight to the storage room at the "villa" (that's my new name for it since the location is referred to as "The Villa" by the locals). Many of the Christmas decorations will be sorted and shipped to the various children they belong to. LOL - except for Keith, they have more storage room than I have so they should store their own ornaments. Even if they don't know they own them (yet).

Today, I finished the last cards and projects I'm going to do until after we move. I packed up all of my scrapbook and card making supplies. My room looks "nekkid" now. I had an order for a new baby card (for triplets) so I did that today.

I also finished the Easter cards for Isaiah, Alexander, Kaitlyn, and Zachary.

I also spent all of last week trying to keep my job. I'm a nervous wreck and know that I cannot "walk on water" so my days are numbered. It's a terrible feeling to get written up for things that are so minuscule that it's amazing they even bothered and to be warned that if things don't improve that you're subject to further disciplinary action - up to and including termination. It's apparent what the plan is and this is the natural order of how they have to do it. Honestly, I wish it would just happen and get it over with. The stress is causing me so much anxiety. They've taken away my voice, my confidence, and my will. I am truly just a shell of myself. I'm afraid to speak up, voice an opinion, or make a suggestion. Co-workers are supposed to report to the supervisor any conversations/emails and I'm supposed to CC her on all correspondence. That is no way to live. If I had made some horrendous mistakes that caused customer impact, I could see the cause for concern. But, I have not and did not. In fact, the three things brought up were taken totally out of context and because I'm not one to CC everyone about everything, she had only seen one side of the conversations and actions.

I'm not saying that mistakes weren't made. Absolutely, I made a couple of errors. But they were minor things that were corrected because I caught them and redid them. One other item had to do with someones interpretation of a document and things she brought up I had discussed with the designer and what I had written was correct - not what she had thought. So what she shared with our supervisor about how I hadn't addressed this issue was shared before I verified that I was correct. In the last instance, the person who disagreed with what I had written came back later and said that my approach was probably better in this instance after all. Our supervisor did not see those pieces of the conversation. Once you're given an "oral" or "written" warning, they aren't retracted, even if you can show they were not 100% correct. Any comments are deemed as "defensive" and more cause for their concern. So, I just agreed that yes, I'd made some mistakes (one in January, one in February, and one in March) and there as room for improvement but the rest of the story was not something they were aware of. Because I've always been of the mind that conversations back and forth between people should be kept to just the people involved; adding management names to the "to" or "cc" list just makes it look like you're trying to get someone else into trouble or that you're trying to prove something. I've never been a "C.Y.A" sort of person. I'm becoming one...

On top of that, someone else made a big mistake on Thursday and while I hate that it happened to her, I am so relieved that it did not happen to me. It was something that could have happened to anybody. We have a lot on our plate and a lot of responsibilities. Files disappeared off of one of the servers. She doesn't know how it happened and no one else does either. But, as sorry as I am that it happened - I am so glad it was her and not me. I think it would have been the death knell for me. Instead, for her, they were all sympathetic and so sorry that this had happened.

I'm stressed to the max. I've got vertigo all of the time. It's so bad sometimes that I'm sick to my stomach. Changing positions makes it worse. I am being referred to a oto-neurotologist for further studies. Until then, I'm taking meclizine three times a day (which makes me sleepy). It helps, but it's not great.

The bright spot in my life right now is that I'm going to be a grandma again. Amy and Rex are expecting in November. She's due 11/10/11 and I say that she'll probably have an 11/11/11 baby. We're all hoping for a girl. Healthy is most important and God knows that we'll love and cherish any baby that comes along. It's just time in the family for a girl. Rex's family hasn't had one yet (counting Isaiah, 5 grandsons) and I've only got Kaitlyn and the three boys.

We're moving May 7th and I'm very thankful for that. I'm looking forward to it.

Ron is getting a new leg. I'm really worried about his "residual limb" right now though. He wore the new leg briefly Friday and Saturday and he has a big, deep blister on the end of the tibia. It's bad enough that I won't let him put the leg back on until he sees the prosthetist. I honestly just can't go through this again.

I just can't...