Home today

I do have an appointment with the specialist but not until May 12. Until then, I have to continue with what I'm currently doing to deal with the vertigo. Today, that meant staying in bed and not turning over too quickly. Bed spins are really not fun.

I think I've had episodes of vertigo for years. I have memories of bed spins from early childhood. They weren't nearly like they are today, and I didn't realize at the time what they were called. But, I have clear memories of feeling like I was swinging out over a great open area and just spinning. That is really odd and, in my mind, quite amazing that it not only happened but that I remember it so vividly. I think that is why I've never enjoyed "swinging" on a swing set or riding the swings at amusement parks. They bring back that feeling and it's really not an enjoyable feeling.

Meniere's disease is really a tricky condition to have. It's so subjective. One person with this condition can experience different "feelings" than someone else with the condition. I did read that it can be considered a disabling condition. There are days when I feel like I'm on that path. Meniere's can affect your concentration, your memory, and your energy. I can definitely see that. Since I've been fighting this latest episode (several months’ worth), I can tell that my concentration and my memory have been very involved. It also causes anxiety attacks. I've taken more Xanax in the past few weeks than I took in the whole of last year. Hmmm... wonder if I can use that in my issues at work? Nah, probably not. (just kidding.)

Meniere's disease and vertigo are not just having "dizzy" spells. It's much more involved than that and be varying in severity from person-to-person - and day-to-day. I can be fine today and wicked sick tomorrow. I have spent days in bed with vertigo. Leaning over to tie Ron's shoes can bring about an attack. Turning over in bed can bring about an attack. Looking up to see what's above me (on a shelf, in the pantry, in the sky, etc.) can bring about an attack. Packing – yeah, that can cause one, too… The constant up and down, reaching for something and depositing it in a box is a trigger waiting to happen. You just never know when or how bad it will be. This is not a fun way to live. Now that my right ear is totally involved in Meniere's (and deaf), the vertigo that is happening now could be my left ear involved. I'm really worried that I'll wake up deaf in that ear, too. That scares me. The thought of not being able to hear at all is never far from my mind. I try to not focus on it but it’s something that is out there.

I take two different diuretics and I’m not taking the meclizine. I even wore the little patches behind my ear for a while. They didn’t do too much and they’re expensive.

So, here I am and here I’ll be. I do have to run an errand today so I hope the vertigo doesn’t rear its ugly head while I’m trying to drive.