Living just shouldn't be this hard for people. You'd think...
I did have a discussion with him the other night about assisted living/skilled nursing care. On the one hand, I'm sure there are a lot of people in skilled nursing care who are in better shape than Ron is. But, can he really take care of himself? Not really - so would he qualify for skilled nursing care? I'm not sure. I don't want him to go into a nursing home situation until he absolutely has to. Could he manage assisted living? That's kind what he has with me now and it's not working out so well. So...
I think we might be at that place. And, I'm afraid.
I'm afraid that I might feel guilty...
- Guilty that "I" put him there
- Guilty that I might be relieved that I don't have to do it all alone anymore (the day-to-day stuff)
- Guilty that I gave up
- Guilty that I won't be the one to find him - you know - not breathing
- Guilty that I won't have to make the decision on what to do with him or for him
- Guilty for being relieved for not having to dread what I'd find when I got home from work
- Guilty for not being "there" for him all the time