There are no rules.
The grief process is different for every single person. It
doesn’t matter how old or young you are. It doesn’t matter if you were married
5 months, 5 years, or 50 years. Once that spouse is cut from your life, no
matter the circumstances, a piece of your existence has also been chopped off.
You could have lost your spouse to a tragic, quick accident or due to a long
and drawn out illness. Neither one of these affect how long the grief process
will last.
You may be fine today and hear a song on the radio that will
reduce you to tears. You may be totally sad one minute and happy the next.
Whatever. Go with it. Allow yourself to feel whatever emotion that you feel.
Anger. Resentment. Loss. Sadness. Happiness. Contentment. Anger (sometimes
there is a lot of anger over the situation). Tears. Laughter. Good
memories. Feel them all, and then work through them. If you need alone
time, take it. If you need to talk to someone (or to listen to someone), do it.
Don’t allow your feelings to consume you. Don’t close
yourself off from friends and family who love you. They probably don’t know
what to say or how to help, but even if they have nothing at all to offer
except their presence, take it.
If you need help with everyday chores, ask someone who has
been there for help. Not sure about finances? Look into a financial advisor (my
Edward Jones advisor is fantastic; find one you trust). Do you have a life
insurance policy for yourself? I thought “I” was the owner on ours since it had
been mine before we were married; somehow it got converted into Ron being the
owner so I had to do the application process all over again. Do you have a
will? If you don’t have one, you can always find documents online (depends on
the state you live in) to create one yourself. If you have a complicated
estate, or minor children, I recommend you contacting an attorney who
specializes in estates and trust planning.
How about home repair and maintenance? Luckily, I’m a renter
(we did the home ownership thing before Ron’s health got so bad and then we
became renters) so my landlord takes care of those issues for me. Do you have
maintenance agreements on your appliances? I’m not sure how I feel about those;
my mother-in-law swore by them but unless you have them serviced annually to
make sure they’re in good working shape, I’m not sure they’re of added value.
(Just my personal opinion.)
Car repair and maintenance? My husband took care of
our cars for years and then he no longer could. We found a reputable mechanic
we trusted and started taking our vehicle there for repair and maintenance.
Good maintenance, and tire maintenance, will save you lots of money down the
road. This is one area I do recommend extended warranties for. I had a fairly
new minivan one time and purchased the extended warranty. Six weeks later the
transmission went out. A year later, it went out again. The extended warranty
paid for itself at least twice.
Eating...
This is my biggest failure. I’ve gotten into a rut where I quit cooking for
myself. Cereal is good. It’s a food group. It’s OK. Right? Not really...
No comments:
Post a Comment