My love... His physical presence is gone but will always be remembered

HESSTON - Williams, Ronald K. "Ronnie," went to be with the Lord Thursday, March 20, 2014, at Newton Medical Center, Newton, Kan., at the age of 66. He was born Jan. 8, 1948, in Guthrie, Okla. to Harold D. and Helen M. (Banks) Williams. Ronnie was united in marriage to Teresa Keesee on Aug. 20, 1984, in Wichita, Kan. Ronnie was an electrician and retired from Boeing, but his true passion was music. In his youth, he was involved with several bands in Wichita and later owned his own recording studio. Prior to moving to Wichita, he owned his own restaurant in Topeka, Fat Ronnie's, which was the first place in the state to offer deep fried mushrooms. Ronnie also enjoyed fishing, spending time with his family, and helping others. Ronnie is survived by his wife, Teresa; four sons, Tim Williams of Andover, Shaun (Jenny) Williams of Bremerton, Wash., Aaron Williams of Derby, and Keith (Lindsay) Williams of Wichita; two daughters, Stacey (Charles) Ingram of Derby, and Amy (Rex) Schertz of Hesston; 11 grandchildren; one sister, Wydonna (Don) Ball of Kingston Springs, Tenn.; and numerous nieces and nephews. He is preceded in death by his parents and a sister, Vicki Gange. Funeral Services will be held at 10:30 a.m. Tuesday, March 25, 2014, at Hesston Methodist Church, Hesston, with Pastor Terry Burchett officiating. Burial will follow in Hesston City Cemetery, Hesston. Visitation will be Monday, March 24, 2014, from 4 to 8 p.m., with the family receiving friends from 6 to 8 p.m. at Miller-Ott Funeral Home, Hesston. Memorials may be sent to Autism Speaks in care of Miller-Ott Funeral Home, Hesston.                                                                       

Published in The Wichita Eagle on Mar. 22, 2014

Read more here: http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/kansas/obituary.aspx?n=Ronald-Williams&pid=170287598#storylink=cpy

- See more at: http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/kansas/obituary.aspx?n=Ronald-Williams&pid=170287598#sthash.lvXDRsoO.dpuf

Keith wrote the most beautiful eulogy for his dad that anyone could have written. He got up to speak and my external calmness nearly crumpled. When Shaun got up to speak, it really was a challenge to keep it all together. The service was beautiful and our long-time pastor (and friend) and his wife drove up from Edmond, OK to do the service. I wouldn't have wanted anyone else to do it. Ron loved them like family and I know they loved him, too. Ron's friend Chuck Haukos had very nice words to share as well. Many of Ron's former co-workers came to pay their respects and I was so touched to see their names in the guest book. I hadn't had time to get around to everyone to thank them and missed that they were there. I was so humbled and touched.

Keith's eulogy:

It is said that you die twice. Once when you stop breathing, and once when your name is spoken for the very last time. My father will never die for as long as I'm alive, and not just because we've got the same name. Today, my family buried him, but we will never forget him or be without him.

Ronnie Williams was a great man. He was an electrician by trade, a musician by love, and a teacher by simply existing. He taught me a many great things that carried on into my adult life. He taught me respect, softness, and kindness in a world severely lacking all three. Be courteous to everyone you meet. Hold the door open for strangers. Smile when you speak, because happiness is contagious and we can be carriers.

He taught me what real value is. Not the value of things like money or possessions - He was terrible with money and was a bit of a hoarder - but of people and experiences. If you couldn't find worth in someone, you weren't looking hard enough. Everyone has value. Everyone cherishes and is cherished by someone. Moments together are precious. They are fuel that gets you through hard days. They are comfort and warmth when you are cold, and they are peace of mind in the maelstrom of grief. They are worth more than diamonds or gold but can never be bought or sold.

His tolerance, understanding, and love for all people was apparent in every interaction he ever had. He didn't see strangers, just friends he hadn't made yet. Meeting him and befriending him were pretty much one in the same because he didn't give you much choice in whether or not you loved him. There were few men like him. Not enough men like him, really.

I've got many stories about my father. Some private, some not. If you ask, I'll share them. If you don't ask, I'll probably share them anyway.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Beautifully written and spoken.  Shaun's words were so heartfelt and genuine. He has sacrificed much family time in his service to our country. He felt bad that it's been three years since he's been able to be home and the best he's been able to do in the past several months is to FaceTime with Ron. Ron loved his children equally and was so very proud of them all and extremely proud of the man Shaun has become and of his service in the Navy. Shaun wore his dress blues in Ron's honor.

Shaun, Keith, Tim, Hayden (Tim's son), Rex (Amy's husband), and Charles (Stacey's husband) were the pall bearers.

Shaun and his family drove from Seattle to get here just in time for the visitation Monday night and then had to head back home today. We couldn't find tickets for all of them on one flight and what we found was between $1200-$1500 each - EACH! They needed a minimum of five tickets and really needed six (the youngest is almost 2). It was wonderful to see them but sorry they had to make such a fast trip under the circumstances. I did manage to get them all on the sofa for a couple of pictures. This is the best one.

L-R: Tristan, Anna, Zachary, Kaitlyn, Alexander, Isaiah

Got my children and their spouses to sit for a picture, too. LOL - Tristan didn't want to miss out on being held by his mom. Too many people for him so he was very wary of us all.

And finally, the whole crew.

As sad as the last few days have been, I know that Ron is no longer suffering, he is in a better place, and he was ready to go. Ron knew beyond a doubt that he would spend eternity with God and I know that I will see him again. His earthly body was totally worn out but his heavenly body is perfect and he will never again suffer the multitude of illnesses and pain that he endured for the last several years of his life. I will forever miss him, his laughter, and his physical presence. But, I will carry his memory in my heart forever. Keith said it all so well when he said Ron loved with his whole being. I was privileged to be able to be his wife for nearly 30 years. The last words we spoke to each other were of our love for the other. I did not expect it would be the last time I would be able to say those words to him directly or to hear them from him. I cherish that memory.

When Jenny's parents learned of Ron's passing, they got in their son's car (they were visiting Indiana from Taiwan) and drove 13+ hours to hand me an envelope in the Chinese tradition (with a monetary gift), hug my neck and tell me how sorry they were to learn of Ron's death. They stayed long enough to give me lots of hugs and love, and then they got back in their car and drove back to Indiana. Words cannot express the gratitude or how humbled I felt with their selfless act. I couldn't even think about it for days afterward without tearing up. Even today, it's difficult to write without the emotion coming to the surface. Amazing people and amazing action on their part.  I am forever grateful.

Life in the Fast lane strikes again!

How did it get to be February 22 already???? Seems like just yesterday that it was only Christmas. This year is flying by - but I think that time passes more quickly when we get a bit more "mature" in years. At least, that's my story and I'm sticking to it!

Ron is doing OK.  He fell (again) a couple of weeks ago and messed up both legs. His leg socket didn't fully engage in the prosthesis so when he went to take a step, it came out and he fell flat on his face. Luckily, there was a someone very close who had been cleaning the floors and this person was able to get the nursing staff. His left calf looks pretty bad - all banged up and healing very slowly. His "short leg" has an abrasion right on the end where it rests in the socket so he's not allowed to walk until it's healed. He's being smarter about calling for help when he's in a tight spot and not sure of his capabilities. He doesn't want to fall again.

I was able to get him DVR capabilities so he has a bit more control over his television. It's an extra $27 per month, so I had to find that in the budget somewhere. I downgraded his phone ($10 savings per month) and downgraded my data package for my phone ($20 savings per month). I'll have to watch my usage very closely to make sure I don't go over, but I was usually using only about 0.95 GB per month and I had a 3 GB package. If I see I'm close, I can add another GB for $10.

I also bought him a mini-fridge for his room and thought he could use it for items that he doesn't get as part of his care - such as soda and some light snacks. No, he wants soda, but he also wants fresh fruit, cheese sticks, etc. He asked me to buy him some cherries, strawberries, grapes, etc. I told him I didn't buy MYSELF these items because of the expense and did he really want to dip into "my" grocery budget when he can get fruit there? He said it's not usually fresh fruit, so I said I'd get him a couple of apples and pears (LOL - they were going to come out of my fridge as I'd just bought myself 2 apples, 2 pears, and 2 oranges, but he can't peel oranges). He said that would be great.

The next day - and I do mean the next day - he goes to Wal-Mart with the group and calls me all frantic that he needs me to transfer some money to his checking account. He had $45 in the bank but "somehow" he'd spent $104. So, I transferred $100 and asked him what he bought that was so much money. SEVEN shirts (cause his were stained - which is what happens when you have Parkinson's and shake your food out of your hands) and FRUIT! And, cheese. And, a 24-pack of soda. Sheesh! For someone who didn't want to get into my grocery budget, he did a mighty fine job of it.  Lucky for him, I haven't been to the store yet for me and I had a bit extra $$ in the bank (payday isn't until NEXT week). Then he had the nerve to ask me if I was still going to bring him some pears since he didn't buy any. Um... NO!

I'm working on doing some paper projects. Last weekend, I went to a birthday party for a friend and made her a few things as a surprise.  I made all the flowers, too.

 

This week, I'm working on stuff for a little girl's tea party-themed birthday. She'll be six and is having a "Fancy Nancy" type of birthday party. I've got tea cups and saucers, spoons, a tea bag dispenser and holder, and I'll have a teapot - all made from patterned paper. I've also got little purses for each of the girls. It should be cute. I have tea-themed invitations, as well. When it's all done, I'm going to take some pictures to share.

That's all for now. Have a wonderful week and God bless!

Hmmm... no catchy title today. LOL!

It's Hump Day! Not much going on these days except more medical stuff. That's ALWAYS fun, right? hahahaha!

Ron is having a procedure today to look at his bladder and kidneys. I guess he's got new problems and they're looking specifically to see if he has an infection (which is my guess) or if he has a tumor somewhere. I may have blinders on, but it just seems odd that now that he's on Coumadin he suddenly has blood in his urine. He doesn't seem (to me, at least) to have any other symptoms of a tumor, but what do I know? He has had several episodes lately of nausea and vomiting. Medication? Disease processes? No clue but I'm hoping for some answers this week. (Update - test results show no tumor but the blood is coming from his kidneys due to kidney disease {no real surprise there}. His prostate is very enlarged - again, that is no surprise either. No treatment for either unless he begins to have more problems going to the bathroom.)

He also had a Thallium stress test a couple of weeks ago (after his diagnosis of A-fib and the procedure at the hospital to shock his heart back into normal rhythm). The doctor's office called him the other day and said there was an abnormality and they'd like to do a heart cath. He declined and said he'd just rather not go through any other heart treatments. His choice. He's had an enlarged heart for years and we know the pacemaker is working, so I understand why he doesn't want to do anything else. It's not like he'd be a candidate for any "big" treatment, such as any surgery.

We took him out on Sunday for his birthday and he looked awful. He was barely able to keep his eyes open for the first hour (it was a loooonnnnnggg lunch - poor service) but he did end up eating pretty well. I had to hold his plate down and remind him to either put the food in his mouth or how to get the food on the fork. At one point, he was using one hand to dig in the palm of the other hand. I asked him what he was doing and he said he was getting his dinner roll. He had a tub of butter in his hand but no roll, which he'd already eaten.

Sunday morning, the nursing staff found him on the floor of his room with his lift chair turned upside down on his head. He said he was looking for his TV remote and got down on the floor to look in the chair. He doesn't remember to put the remotes in the basket that is setting right next to him so it's a constant struggle to remember where they are and to find them. I found his iPod on the floor under his chair and it probably would have been crushed. (This is the same iPod he "lost" in early December and thought it had either been stolen or had been thrown in the trash. Actually, he had put it on the heater grate and it had slipped between the grids and landed on the elements below. Because he wanted to adjust the temperature in his room, he removed the grate and found the iPod. Of course, this was AFTER I had purchased another one to replace it. {sigh} That was not an expense I was expecting.)

Yesterday, he seemed just fine again. I'm not sure what exactly is going on with him but it's constantly up and down. I can no longer trust taking him out on my own and he just doesn't understand that. I can't risk him not being able to get up or down or lose his balance. My shoulder is still not well and I am not supposed to lift more than 5 pounds for another six weeks.

I try to have conversations with him stressing the importance of calling for assistance with things that he shouldn't attempt on his own. Although I no longer have the physical care of him, I still have the mental and emotional care. He's called me at bedtime before to tell me of electronic issues with his phone or tablet and wanted to know what he'd done and how to fix it. Very frustrating. I tell him that he cannot expect me to solve those types of problems over the phone; I need the device in my hand to see what he's done. There is still one setting he's changed on his phone that I can't quite find how to change back. He's purchased things on Apple (subscriptions to Pandora and Rdio unlimited) that I've had to beg Apple iTunes to refund on. I've disabled the auto-purchase on his account so I hope that fixes it. The Pandora subscription is annual so he's good until next year on that (it's only $4.99 so I kept it) but the Rdio was going to be $14 monthly. That's a no-no. :)

Ron has lost the ability to think beyond the confines of the "here and now," which I refer to as a box. He can only see what is in that box and not how a choice he makes (i.e., sliding out of his chair onto the floor) can have more consequences than him being down there to take care of something. His nursing home bill is very high and our share is considerable. I tell him that although he needs to be aware that they are busy, he still needs to call for assistance for things that involve his well-being and safety (see chair issue above). That's what we are paying for. Every time his butt hits the floor, it's considered a "fall," even if he slides out of his chair on purpose. He says he's got a "system" to do it safely... He takes off his prosthesis and leaves the liner on. That way, he can use the padding to protect his knee while he drags himself back into his chair. More often than not, he gets caught trying to do this and gets in trouble. The nursing home has rules and regulations they have to follow and there is no selection for "Patient slid out of his chair because he wanted to be on the floor" when filling out paperwork for incidents. Ron just doesn't see that his actions should be an issue.

He continues to try and buy things that he doesn't need. Years ago, he had a Farfisa keyboard that he sold (gave) to our church. When the preacher left the church, for some reason this keyboard went with him. I'm not sure how or why that occurred, but it did. Ron would like to buy it back and has asked this person more than once about purchasing it. I've told him that it's not an option. The preacher now lives in NC and the shipping cost would be extensive because it's very heavy. Ron and I have had this discussion more than once. Yesterday, while I was sitting in his room, he tried to call the preacher again to ask about the keyboard. Luckily, he doesn't really have a phone number for him (just a Facebook contact) so nothing happened. He said he thought if he paid for it a little bit at a time, then Al could ship it once it was paid for. I looked at him and asked, "Ron, where is this money going to come from 'a little bit at a time'?" His face just went blank. It never occurred to him that the money would still need to come from "me" and it's not in my budget (especially now) to try and fit in another expense. Plus, I don't believe Al wants to be in a lay-away situation and wants more for the keyboard (with shipping) than the keyboard is worth.

Ron had decided that since I borrowed enough from my 401k to pay the huge balance on the nursing home bill (and the attorney), that I didn't have "that" payment any longer and could handle it. Well, I have to pay back the 401k loan from my paycheck each payday. There is that "box" again...

My therapy continues to go well. I do have better range of motion (ROM) but still a lot of pain. Nights are rough because it stiffens up and then I try to put myself in positions (while sleeping) that then wake me.  I'm off work until the 27th because I don't have enough ROM to do my job (too much reaching with my left arm). I did water therapy yesterday and I'm having quite a bit of pain today. But, it's all good. I put some heat on my shoulder and am feeling much better - ready to do my first exercise set.

I'm working on getting back into crafting again and made a card for a friend. I'd like to make some Valentine's cards to sell. I went into my craft room and out of everything in there, I do not have ONE SINGLE stamp for Valentine's Day (not even a heart!). I was very surprised. LOL - I looked at Wal-Mart last night for a stamp but they didn't have one. If I get to a Michael's or Hobby Lobby between now and the end of the month, I'll have to pick up a heart stamp. I have plenty of papers that would work. I'd like to make some simple post cards that I can sell cheaply (like $1-1.50 each).

Better get myself going for the day... Take care and God bless you all. Although I write for my own sanity, I do appreciate the uplifting comments that you all leave.

Overdue update

Ron is adjusting to life at the nursing home, although he has his moments where he believes that he doesn't need to be there. That is very hard because when he's being honest, he knows that he's much safer there. The staff at the nursing home is very good, and they take great care of him. All he has to do is push his call button, and then within minutes someone is there to help him if he needs it. If he was still at home he would have to call 911 or try to call me and it would take me 30 minutes to get to him.

He gets exercise three times a week, which is something he was not getting at home. He goes from his room to the cafeteria for all of his meals. That gives him an opportunity to interact with other adults. He has a private room so he can watch television as long as he wants to at night. He still doesn't sleep very well so his TV is on a lot.

All in all, it has been a very good move for him. His main problem is that he doesn't really want to be there. He's younger than many of the other residents and even though some are in better health than him he looks at them and he sees that he's going to stay there until he dies. I can't really do anything about that. His health is bad and there's nothing I can do to change that, either.

In fact, he was recently diagnosed with A-fib and put on a beta blocker and a blood thinner. Beta blockers affect his kidney function so he has to be closely monitored to make sure he doesn't go into kidney failure. His Parkinson's disease is getting worse and he was put on stronger medication for that as well. I would have missed the A-fib completely, which can cause a stroke. I would not be able to take him to have blood drawn every two weeks to check his kidney function. He has a ruptured disc in his upper back and goes to therapy twice a week; I wouldn't have been able to do that, either.

This all comes with a high price tag for us, though. It's 100% of his income and then a little bit of mine. In addition, I pay for his Internet, his cable, his phone, and any other personal expenses like haircuts, outside entertainment, or clothing. This makes it tough for me to pay all of the other expenses. I've had to adjust my cable to a lower package, slow my Internet speed down, lower our cell phone data package, turn my thermostat down a few degrees, not eat out, watch what I buy at the grocery store, etc. It's a good thing I don't have a lot of consumer debt. I have a car payment, student loans and very little other debt (working on taking care of getting that paid off). My rent is pretty low for the area and my utilities are as low as I can get them.

Christmas is very low-keyed. No gifts for the older grandchildren or for the adults. I had to replace Ron's iPod because his disappeared from his room (don't know if it was stolen or if he knocked it into his trash) but I found a used one for $110. So, that is his gift. I'm not getting anything, which is fine by me. Anything he bought me, I'd have to pay for anyway and I don't have any extra money to indulge in Christmas presents for myself. And, I'm really fine with that. We will be able to spend the day together with family and that is all that matters.

I had shoulder surgery two weeks ago and am recuperating at Amy's and Rex's house. I didn't have to have rotator cuff repair, but I had a sub-acromial decompression (removed the bursa), had the distal end of my clavicle removed, had the long head tendon of my biceps released (called a biceps tenotomy and leaves only one tendon attached to the bone), had frayed strands of the rotator cuff removed, and my SLAP lesion should be "fixed" by the release of the biceps tendon (I had a pretty significant tear and separation). I'm currently doing physical therapy and have very limited range of motion. I can't lift anything or otherwise put any stress on my shoulder joint. I can't do too much for myself so Amy wants me to stay here until I feel like actually cooking real food for myself. LOL, she said I couldn't live on cereal and I said I also had protein shakes. I guess they don't count as real food, either. :)

If Ron was still home, I would not have been able to take the time needed to have surgery. His being taken care of in the nursing facility has given me peace of mind and let me take a much-needed break to take care of my own health.

That's about it for the update. I wish you all a very Merry Christmas and holiday season. My goal is to get back into writing more often and reading my blog roll. I've missed being able to follow my online friends. Take care...

Teresa

I should be able to sleep...

Ron has pretty much given me the "go ahead" to get on with life. He said last night that he is comfortable there and is treated well. The staff are very helpful and the facility is clean - it doesn't "smell" like a nursing home. That made me feel much better. I know that he is where he needs to be. I just have to convince my mind at night when I lie down to sleep that I really do have permission to relax. And sleep.

I find myself waking several times during the night and then when I need to get up, I'm exhausted and dragging. Plus, getting everything figured out is really tough.

I took all of the paperwork to the attorney last Friday. I got my first bill yesterday. $122.00 for "inter-office email" review - so I basically paid him to read his mail. Go figure. At $200 per hour, it won't take long to hit his $2,000 estimate. I'm just thankful that he didn't hit me up for a large retainer. I won't have much money once he's finished with me and I pay my share of the co-pay - and no telling what Medicaid will say I have to pay. I'm trying to get everything all set up so I'll have the funds when the bills start rolling in. I'm trying to figure out exactly what I'll have left over each month and, until I find out the Medicaid part, it's hard to do. I've tried to figure it several different ways and not coming out too well for any of them. No biggie... I believe that God will take care of things when I need Him to. I know I haven't been too vocal about faith lately, but that doesn't mean that I haven't held onto my faith. Without it, I don't know where I'd be.

Whatever it is, it is worth it to have Ron receive the care that he needs. He fell yesterday - not really "fell" but he said he slid down onto the floor. He didn't have his leg attached securely and he just came right out of it. That sounds familiar. But he was able to get help there to get back up, whereas at home he did not. Now, he's supposed to ring for assistance if he wants to get up. He said he doesn't need it but when he asked me to take his leg off last night, it wasn't even attached. He was surprised and said he thought it was hooked on. Hmmm.... no wonder he fell earlier.

My sister made a couple of signs for his door. One says "PawPaw's Place" and the other says "Crampa's Corner." Anna calls him PawPaw and Isaiah has always called him Crampa. (Anna is pretty insistent that when I go see PawPaw, I can't stay at his "new housch" and I must come home.) We took a nice television down for him, plus I got him a Blu-Ray player that is Netflix ready. I had cable and Internet hooked up, and he's got his phone, laptop, and tablet. The man is set with electronics. He also has his lift chair, a nightstand, lamp, and radio. He sleeps in his chair so he's pretty comfortable.

Ron said the food is pretty good. He thought he was gaining weight from the food so he cut back, and still was gaining. I think it is the CHD that is causing the problem because he's still full of fluid. He went back to the doctor today but I haven't had a chance to find out what the doctor said.

My posts these days are so boring. LOL! What else is there to talk about? I had cortisone injections in both shoulders - trying to avoid surgery. That would be a trip. NOT. I'm trying to find something to wear to my son's wedding - in TWO WEEKS! I haven't found anything yet. Oh wait, I haven't looked yet! Tomorrow, I'm going shopping with Amy and the bride.

It's bedtime. Maybe I can think of something interesting tomorrow. Maybe I'll post my shopping find. Maybe not.

You know, life just shouldn't be this tough...

As some of you know, Ron is back in the hospital. He's in congestive heart failure this time. At least it's not his kidneys, too - right? I knew he was going downhill for a couple of weeks. Told him, even, that I thought he was heading toward a medical issue. He knew, too. We doubled up his Lasix and he got muscle cramps in his arms and legs, so I cut it back. I'd just started doubling it again when he went to the doctor yesterday. I knew he needed to be in the hospital and I guess they did, too.

Living just shouldn't be this hard for people. You'd think...

I did have a discussion with him the other night about assisted living/skilled nursing care. On the one hand, I'm sure there are a lot of people in skilled nursing care who are in better shape than Ron is. But, can he really take care of himself? Not really - so would he qualify for skilled nursing care? I'm not sure. I don't want him to go into a nursing home situation until he absolutely has to. Could he manage assisted living? That's kind what he has with me now and it's not working out so well. So...

I think we might be at that place. And, I'm afraid.

I'm afraid that I might feel guilty...

• Guilty that "I" put him there
• Guilty that I might be relieved that I don't have to do it all alone anymore (the day-to-day stuff)
• Guilty that I gave up
• Guilty that I won't be the one to find him - you know - not breathing
• Guilty that I won't have to make the decision on what to do with him or for him
• Guilty for being relieved for not having to dread what I'd find when I got home from work
• Guilty for not being "there" for him all the time

He asked me last night if when I "put him someplace," if he could take his lift chair and his TV.  I don't want him to think that "I" am putting him someplace. I do worry that what ever I find for him, that he won't have enough visitors to keep him from feeling like he's been put away. I'm not worried about Keith and Amy visiting (or me), but is that enough to keep him from being lonely and feeling like his family has tossed him aside? He asked me how soon I was going to do it. Well... it can't happen overnight but I would really like to see him settled soon. This up and down, back and forth, etc., with his health issues are wearing me down and out. I told Amy today that the stress of it all would kill me but there is plenty of life insurance to take care of him. (I wonder what my blood pressure is right now...hmmm)

I have an appointment with an attorney tomorrow to discuss separation of assets. I don't have a lot, but I have a little inheritance from my mom, a small IRA, and my 401k at work. Technically, Ron is entitled to half of that. The attorney said it would cost me upwards of $2,000 but he thinks he can get Ron qualified for Medicaid, preserve those accounts, and also preserve some of his income for me. That would be nice because, quite frankly, if I have to pay for this out of my pocket, I'll be on the streets in less than a year. That's not a bluff or made for shock value. I've done the math. Although I was never great at algebra or geometry, but I can do addition and subtraction very well and I can't make that scenario work for very long.

Back to the "guilt" thing... 

And, another anniversary is here...

Not one that any of us wish we had... September 11, 2001. It's been 12 years and sentiments are still as strong now as they were then. Instead of re-writing something, I'll just reference what I wrote in 2008.  If you want to read it, you can go here:

Where were you?

I re-read what I wrote and I couldn't do it any better today than I did then. Have we learned anything in these 12 years? I'm not sure. Terrorism is still alive and well in many parts of the world. Muslim extremists are still murdering innocent people every day - sometimes their own countrymen, women, and children.

It's truly sad and I just have no words to express the depth of feeling and sadness I feel for the victims.

It's been 29 years...

Twenty-nine years ago today, I married my best friend. I didn't know then quite the ride I'd be taking, but I'm certainly glad that I "signed up" for it! We've had our ups and downs (just like every other married couple out there), our good times and our bad. But, we've always had each other's back in everything that we've done.

I bought Ron a new watch. He has trouble seeing the hands on the dials so I got one that has white hands on a black dial. Amy thought it was ugly but it's L.E.G.I.B.L.E. and that is all that matters. Plus, it was on sale! I got it for nearly 50% off. I almost gave it to him this morning but decided I'd wait until tonight. I don't want him to do anything silly like order flowers (they cost too darn much money!) because he wasn't able to get out and purchase something. It used to matter that he take the time to think of me and put some thought/effort into a gift (birthday, Christmas, anniversary, etc.) because I really put a lot of thought and effort into everything that I got for him, but now it just doesn't have that importance. I know he'd go buy something if he could and that is all that matters. Last year, he got me a gift card to my favorite local coffee house and that was perfect. This year, I don't even need that. He doesn't put up any kind of fuss when I want to do something and that is a gift all by itself. A lot of spouses (both men and women) carry on terribly when the other wants to do something. Ron's not like that and I'm thankful.

I'm thankful that I've had 29 years with him and hope that we're still kicking when it's time to celebrate 30!

A blast from the past... literally

I was cleaning out some boxes of things to put away in my new cabinet in my craft room/guest bedroom and came across an old(ish) newspaper clipping. I laid it down on the desk and pretty much forgot about it. Oh, I read it and remembered the article quite clearly, as it had featured Ron and I. What struck me was the date of the clipping. August 15, 1991. Since today is the 22^nd anniversary of that date, I decided that I would share it with you.

Background…

The local newspaper used to have a place in their “Celebrations” section where people could be profiled as a love story and was usually reserved for people who’d been married for a long time. (They still have the Celebrations section, but people pay to put announcements in there. It’s no longer considered news to be added by the paper. LOL!) I don’t remember the details, but I must have sent them a little tidbit of information and we were picked to tell our story. We went down to the paper to have our picture taken and a reporter did a little interview.

The result was this article. I had to laugh at the timing of me finding it. Oh, my glasses are pretty funny, too. I had more hair then. Darn it. I wonder where all that hair went. Ron looked good. He’s been so unhealthy for such a long time that it’s nice to see a picture of him looking good. At the same time, it’s a little sad. I know he’s still there but sometimes I forget that.

Our 29^th wedding anniversary is next week. I wasn’t sure we’d make it this far and often wonder if this will be our last one. But, I’ve wondered that before and we’re both still hanging in there.

One day at a time… Just one day at a time.

It's (a wet) Hump Day!

We have had so much rain here lately that my yard has been suitable for ducks. It needs to be mowed (maybe a thrashing machine would be more appropriate!) but I don't think it's going to dry out anytime soon for it to be mowed. My poor yard man! He's going to have his work cut out for him, that's for sure.

I've got a whole bunch of nothing going on these days. Ron is good, I am good, life is good. Can't complain about a thing. LOL - that's a novel idea, isn't it? There for a while I found it hard to find anything good to write about. While I'm sure it wasn't always pleasant reading what I wrote, writing it did help me keep my sanity. I'm sure some would argue that I did lose it and I surely need "help" but, I would beg to differ. The writing was my therapy. Oh sure - I still get worried about things, I continue to worry about Ron (he's doing quite well right now), I still sometimes overly stress about things I shouldn't. But, that is the way things go and I probably always will. I'm like the kid who wants everyone to like him/her. I don't like to not know what I can do to make things better and I usually end up making things worse. So, I have to just learn to take things in stride and not worry over things (and people) that I very obviously can't change.

A couple of weeks ago, I went to Atlanta for the Thirty-One Gifts National Convention. I had a blast! I was one of about 16,000 people there and just enjoyed the whole experience. I'd never been to anything like that before, so it was a very new experience. I did have a lot of balance problems (too much movement around me, poor lighting, etc.) but I had several ladies in my group who made sure that I didn't fall. I was so blessed.

Here are a couple of the pictures that were taken of me:

I let myself be in several other pictures but since they include other individuals, I didn't want to post them here without their permission.