Saturday, January 29, 2011

What do you see? I see...

I borrowed this from Cat over at Musings and Confessions of a Wandering Mind and thought it so good that I decided to post the question here as well. If you've already answered this on your own blog, please link it so we can all go read your thoughts.

What do you see when you look into the mirror?

This is an edited version of what I posted as a comment on her blog:

When I look in the mirror I see eyes that look a bit more tired, skin that's not quite as firm as it once was, hair that is a bit grayer than she'd like and a bit thinner than she'd like. But, I see the soul of a woman who has shared much, given as much as possible, and enjoyed immensely. I see a woman who has given and received joy; given and received pain; loved and been loved. I see someone who (like Odie) wishes she knew at 21 (or even 30) what she knows now at 54. I see someone who wishes she had made some different choices in her life and done some things that she has done at a different stage in her life instead.

I see someone who is at a crossroads and not sure where to turn or what to do - what the next breath or day will bring, or if she'll be granted that next breath or next day.

I see someone who dearly, deeply, and fiercely loves her family and friends. I see happiness waiting to emerge; I see sorrow on the horizon. I see contentment and peace within.

I see love.


That sounds a whole lot more "deep" than what I usually post about, but I do have deep thoughts and deep feelings. There are many things that I would change (if I could) and many things that I wish I hadn't done. Money that has been spent (or not spent), jobs that have either been passed on or taken, friends that I have lost contact with - and so much more. There are family members whose loss is felt immensely and the wish that I had spent one more hour - or even one more minute - with them is a constant reminder of their absence.

There are many times when I look in the mirror that I see someone I despise - someone I feel is not worthy of love or affection from anyone. Then I realize that in order to truly love anyone else, I must love myself FIRST. I don't always have to like the image in the mirror, but I have to love her in order to show love to others. It's always so much easier to love others than it is to love myself.
There are times when I think that "all the easy parts" went to other people and that life is totally unfair. Then I slap myself for my selfishness and shallowness. Many, many people on this earth would give whatever it took to have my level of problems instead of their own.

There are times when I look into the mirror and I don't recognize what I see. Who is that woman and what has she done with the "me" that I know? Where did she go? Where is the woman who could do whatever she set her mind to and how was she replaced with this... this... this THING instead?  Where is the woman who knew all the answers?
Many times I look in the mirror and I see someone who is eternally grateful for what she has and for the love that she's been given by her friends and family. I see someone who is undeserving of what she's been given but grateful for it all the same.
I see life. I see love. I see overall happiness and contentment.
What more could anyone ask for?


SkippyMom said...

You forgot beautiful - because if I was peeking in your mirror [from the side] your beauty would shine, as it always does.

Pretty post Tee - as you are.

caterpillar said...

Beautiful beautiful post....a very touching one too...*hugs*

Bouncin' Barb said...

I can so relate to this post Teresa. When I was at the end of my rope for the umteenth time when Rich was sick, I used to stare in the mirror and talk to myself. Some days are better than others but all in all, it's what makes us survivors and the strength for others. Great writing.

Thisisme. said...

As you say, Teresa, a very deep and profound post. I thought it was excellent. I'm sure we have all done things that we wouldn't do if we had our time over again; spent money that we could have held on to, but I guess that is all part and parcel of what makes us the person we are today. I have been really blessed in my life with so many wonderful things and, when I'm feeling a bit low and looking in the mirror, I must hang on to all those good things. Good post.

colenic said...

Very nice post Teresa. Very deep and insightful. Thanks for sharing with us!! Hugs to you

Kristen said...

Well put Beautiful Lady! If I stood behind you I bet I would see a caring hard working thoughtful GIRL!

Jimmy said...

"I see life. I see love. I see overall happiness and contentment."

Amen my friend, what more could you ask for, you are so right in saying that you first have to love yourself to love anyone else or to be loved by anyone else for that matter.

Excellent post.

Pat said...

This is deeply profound, Theresa.

This is what I see, when I look at YOU. I see a woman who is kind, has a good heart, is a nurturer, a hard worker, sacrifices for others, and has been dealt a rough hand in life, but makes the best of it. I see a woman who is TOO ROUGH on herself, and needs to give herself credit for all that she has accomplished in life and how she continues to meet life's challenges with determination and untiring love for her family. That is what I see.

Green Girl in Wisconsin said...

You are so wise, because you're seeing so honestly and well. And I applaud you for loving what you see! THAT is real beauty.

Marla said...

What a beautiful post, Teresa. When I look at you through your writing, I see an amazing, beautiful soul who is kind and thoughtful and has great integrity.