Sunday, April 17, 2011

And a new week is beginning...

I've been pretty much absent on the blogosphere the last couple of weeks. Life has been very busy around here, what with packing and all. I can say that my kitchen is down to just the barest of essentials. I have packed more things (and tossed more things) and sorted to donate and sell more things than I remembered owning! I've even down-sized over the past few years. It's amazing how this stuff just multiplies!!! Amy still has a bunch of stuff here so next weekend (or the next) she has to come and get some stuff.

I walked into the downstairs utility room (which is also our storage room) and just said "not today" and turned around and walked out. A lot of the stuff in there is either going to the garage sale or to her house - or to her garage sale. Some of it is Christmas decorations that will go straight to the storage room at the "villa" (that's my new name for it since the location is referred to as "The Villa" by the locals). Many of the Christmas decorations will be sorted and shipped to the various children they belong to. LOL - except for Keith, they have more storage room than I have so they should store their own ornaments. Even if they don't know they own them (yet).

Today, I finished the last cards and projects I'm going to do until after we move. I packed up all of my scrapbook and card making supplies. My room looks "nekkid" now. I had an order for a new baby card (for triplets) so I did that today.

I also finished the Easter cards for Isaiah, Alexander, Kaitlyn, and Zachary.


I also spent all of last week trying to keep my job. I'm a nervous wreck and know that I cannot "walk on water" so my days are numbered. It's a terrible feeling to get written up for things that are so minuscule that it's amazing they even bothered and to be warned that if things don't improve that you're subject to further disciplinary action - up to and including termination. It's apparent what the plan is and this is the natural order of how they have to do it. Honestly, I wish it would just happen and get it over with. The stress is causing me so much anxiety. They've taken away my voice, my confidence, and my will. I am truly just a shell of myself. I'm afraid to speak up, voice an opinion, or make a suggestion. Co-workers are supposed to report to the supervisor any conversations/emails and I'm supposed to CC her on all correspondence. That is no way to live. If I had made some horrendous mistakes that caused customer impact, I could see the cause for concern. But, I have not and did not. In fact, the three things brought up were taken totally out of context and because I'm not one to CC everyone about everything, she had only seen one side of the conversations and actions.

I'm not saying that mistakes weren't made. Absolutely, I made a couple of errors. But they were minor things that were corrected because I caught them and redid them. One other item had to do with someones interpretation of a document and things she brought up I had discussed with the designer and what I had written was correct - not what she had thought. So what she shared with our supervisor about how I hadn't addressed this issue was shared before I verified that I was correct. In the last instance, the person who disagreed with what I had written came back later and said that my approach was probably better in this instance after all. Our supervisor did not see those pieces of the conversation. Once you're given an "oral" or "written" warning, they aren't retracted, even if you can show they were not 100% correct. Any comments are deemed as "defensive" and more cause for their concern. So, I just agreed that yes, I'd made some mistakes (one in January, one in February, and one in March) and there as room for improvement but the rest of the story was not something they were aware of. Because I've always been of the mind that conversations back and forth between people should be kept to just the people involved; adding management names to the "to" or "cc" list just makes it look like you're trying to get someone else into trouble or that you're trying to prove something. I've never been a "C.Y.A" sort of person. I'm becoming one...

On top of that, someone else made a big mistake on Thursday and while I hate that it happened to her, I am so relieved that it did not happen to me. It was something that could have happened to anybody. We have a lot on our plate and a lot of responsibilities. Files disappeared off of one of the servers. She doesn't know how it happened and no one else does either. But, as sorry as I am that it happened - I am so glad it was her and not me. I think it would have been the death knell for me. Instead, for her, they were all sympathetic and so sorry that this had happened.

I'm stressed to the max. I've got vertigo all of the time. It's so bad sometimes that I'm sick to my stomach. Changing positions makes it worse. I am being referred to a oto-neurotologist for further studies. Until then, I'm taking meclizine three times a day (which makes me sleepy). It helps, but it's not great.

The bright spot in my life right now is that I'm going to be a grandma again. Amy and Rex are expecting in November. She's due 11/10/11 and I say that she'll probably have an 11/11/11 baby. We're all hoping for a girl. Healthy is most important and God knows that we'll love and cherish any baby that comes along. It's just time in the family for a girl. Rex's family hasn't had one yet (counting Isaiah, 5 grandsons) and I've only got Kaitlyn and the three boys.

We're moving May 7th and I'm very thankful for that. I'm looking forward to it.

Ron is getting a new leg. I'm really worried about his "residual limb" right now though. He wore the new leg briefly Friday and Saturday and he has a big, deep blister on the end of the tibia. It's bad enough that I won't let him put the leg back on until he sees the prosthetist. I honestly just can't go through this again.

I just can't...

11 comments:

Bouncin' Barb said...

Having been in management for many years, you most certainly have to be a CYA person in the environment you are in. There is always someone else who gets away with something that you would be tarred and feathered for. So CC away as you are directed. You'll be thankful. Sorry about the vertigo. I know that feeling all too well when I travel and meclizine is the only thing that helps but it does make me sleepy. That too might be affecting your job. It's a tough place to be in and I hope you get through each day. Focus on the job while you're there. Give 100% until something comes up that takes you away from it. Emergencies, etc. I was in your shoes once and I turned it around and got promoted. So don't write it off yet. Hugs!!!!

Jo-Anne Mother and Nanna said...

Hi thanks for dropping by my blog and leaving a comment, so now I am here to check out your blog and the first thing I have to do is send you lots of hugs and good wishes.

I have never had vertigo but my daughter Kathy-Lee has and it is so terrible and I really feel for you suffering from it.

It is terrible when you are not truely happy with your job the stress effects your health. Moving can be stressful as well so that would also effect your health none of it is good and you deserve to live and work in a stress free enviroment.

Green Girl in Wisconsin said...

My heart breaks for you--how stressful. But you stay at it--don't quit so they have to let you go and give you your due. Thank goodness you have some happy things to balance out the crap you're dealing with at work.

Thisisme. said...

What a terrible time you are having of it with the work thing, Teresa. I am so very sorry that you are having to go through all this; All I can do is send prayers and love to you. At least you have a moving date now which is good. With everything that's going on right now, is it any wonder that your health is suffering? Please take care, and I do hope that they get Ron's leg sorted out. x

caterpillar said...

I truly hope that things get better for you at work...it's so tough when you don't have a supportive management, but then there's little we can do...isn't there a way you can move into a different job in the same organization or something? I hope everything goes well for you, and you'll feel better real soon...

Nancy said...

I'm so sorry this is happening to you at work and your home life is so busy at the same time. The whole looking over your shoulder thing has go to be nerve-wracking. My last job had one person in the office bad mouthing everyone else - including two people that ended up losing their jobs over her. Hang in there and do the best you can, that's all we can do in life.

kneesandpaws said...

Teresa, this was a tough post to read. I'm terribly sorry for the stress you are feeling and will pray for good things to start happening, one right after another. Congratulations on the beginning of a new life for your family.
My husband recently experienced vertigo that was so severe he could not stand. He ended up being on short term disability. The specialist discovered permanent loss of nerve function on one side of his inner ear. The other side has begun to do the job of the damaged side and he's now back to work. I hope you can find relief and healing.

TinaM said...

OMGoodness, I am so sorry to see you are under so much stress!!! Your work situation sounds just ridiculous :( You have a lot going on, and all I can say is hang in there... I hope things turn around and get better! SOON!

Silver Strands said...

Wow - you're amazing. I can't believe how much you get done. And those cards are darling!

I appreciate your comment on my blog. Very wise words indeed!

Thinking of you Teresa!
Denalee

Gina said...

First off a big CONGRATS on the new grandchild!! I am sorry you are having such a hard time at work right now. Working in a stressful environment is so hard and impacts every other part of your life it seems. Hopefully things will change for the better very soon.

I love your cards, especially the Easter ones.

Libbie said...

WOW that IS stressful! I can't even imagine! I will make sure I pray for you tonight! Hope things cool off at work & really hope Ron's leg heals quickly! Congrats on the new babe headed your way! So exciting!!!!!!!!!!!!