Saturday, October 2, 2010


I should have said I had a baseline heart cath two years ago - I've had EKGs several times since then. Found out yesterday that the one I had the day I saw the cardiologist was also abnormal and the one they did during the stress test was even more abnormal.

I didn't think I was too stressed out over it, but I guess I am. I've been keeping myself dosed up on Xanax so the little things don't bother me quite as much. They don't really bother me anyway, but when all the little things get added up, then I have to say that I get bothered.
Like today... I bought Ron a new laptop (his was crap - CRAP, I tell ya!) and he has such trouble seeing and feeling, that I decided I'd go ahead. Dell had a special - 12 months same as cash - and we got a discount through work. So, I ordered him a laptop. It came yesterday and today I was trying to copy files from Old Laptop to New Laptop. I am also copying files from Isaiah's laptop (which is worse than Ron's - it's about 8 years old) because I'm going to give Old Laptop to Isaiah and give his away to someone else who doesn't currently have one - and she'll be thrilled to get it as she just wants to use it for recipes and stuff like that (Jamie, if you're reading this - you did not read about the laptop). Isaiah's was my first laptop that Shaun bought for me in either 2002 or 2003. It's not terribly fast but it's OK for surfing the web, for some little games (I installed a few games for Jamie's little girl), and for email. It's not great for memory-hogging stuff.
So, I have four laptops going (you'd think it was an Internet cafe here) as I'm copying, deleting, transferring, etc. and Ron decides he's going to clean out the table by his chair and the table the television sits on. Trouble is, he can take the stuff out, but he can't put anything back. And, then he's stuck because there's stuff on the floor and he can't drive around it. That means that I have to stop what I'm doing to go finish what he started. It would be different if this was a one-time event, but this is his method of operation... He'll start something that he cannot finish - or that he needs help with - while I'm right in the middle of something. And he expects, needs, wants me to stop what I'm doing to take care of what he's doing. Quite frankly - it irritates the hell out of me every time. Today - major irritation because I'm already doing something for HIM.
I took a Xanax. It was either that or throttle him.
Just kidding...
Back to the EKG and stuff. I called my cardiologist's office just like I'd been told to do. He was out of the office yesterday morning and they're closed on Friday afternoon. I called my family doctor back and asked more specifically what "abnormal" meant and what I needed to do. I was planning on cleaning my garage today with my kids. But, I said my grandfather dropped dead at age 55 - heart attack; no real symptoms. My dad had his first heart attack at age 54; no real symptoms (some, but not tons). I said I'd already had some chest pains (mild - could have been stress or anxiety; they are very similar in "feeling") so what should I do. She said my S and T waves were abnormal and stayed abnormal throughout the EKGs and when the thallium put my heart under stress, it did not recover like it should have. She said that the goal in the heart cath would be to fix any problem that may be discovered. If it's a simple heart cath, even with stent placement, then the hospital recovery time was only four hours and they send you home for bedrest for the remainder of the day.
She said they would call on Monday and get an appointment set up for me. Until then, relax. No heavy housework. No cleaning the garage. No stress.
Has she met me before? Does she not know how my life goes? Ron has to go to the diabetic eye doctor. He has to go to the "butt doctor" (he gets a colonoscopy every six months and he's overdue). He goes to the "fake leg" guy every week. He's got to go see her every month to have his pain patches and pain pills refilled. He's got prostate problems (TMI?). First, he can't go - then he can't quit going. Keith had to have an MRI on his left knee (from the car wreck; Mr. Long Legs hit his knee on the dash when he got rear ended). He may have to have posterior cruciate ligament surgery.
If I died, Ron would not know who to call to file a life insurance claim, he does not know what bills come out of the account automatically every month and which ones I have reminders set up to remind me to physically pay them. He doesn't even know the login information for the bank. He doesn't know we have accounts at three different banks (I know - silly, but at the time they were each set up for a specific reason and just haven't combined them) or what the login information for the others are. I'm not even sure he knows which two other banks we have accounts at.
We have serious role reversals here.
No stress... No problem. We don't have problems here. We have situations... (learned that in Jamaica).
Houston... WE HAVE A SITUATION (or ten).
Seriously - I am doing fine with all things considered. Thanks for all the well-wishes and the prayers. I appreciate them. I talked to my step-daughter last night and she said that she could probably pick me up from the hospital the day of the test and take me home. Amy said to just let her know what day and she'd make arrangements, too.


jojo said...

wow...don't you find it intersting when a doctor tells you there is something wrong but not to stress about it...yeah, that works for me! Have you got a previous history of a heart attack? I had one at 50, hopefully my first and last but had no realy symptoms, so I get really panicky when I don't feel 'right.'

As for your role's the same here, I'm the one who knows where everything is, bank accounts, pin #'s, log-in's, etc. but the only difference is I'm also the one with the diabetes and eye trouble, amputation, heart-attack, neuropathy...on and on, and on.

Please sit down, take a deep breath and just let some things go until you see the doctore. It is too important to not take care of you right now...thinking of you. jj

Michaela said...

OMG, you are so funny. When I read your accounts of your situations I feel like laughing. But then I feel guilty because they are quite serious, so I also feel like crying. I love the butt doctor, the fake leg guy, and now presumably there will be the pee doctor for the prostate problem? (not TMI for me; we are all the same basically). My hubby and I hope to grow older with grace and humour. I dont look fwd to it, but I certainly hope I can still laugh at the ailments and things. Hugs, xxxooo

Kathy's Klothesline said...

I hope all goes well with the heart cath. I know you cannot help but worry. Things will be okay, though. Everytime I think I have no where to turn, a new avenue opens up...... said...

Teresa! I can give you a ride anytime, anywhere...I have a very flexible schedule, and it would be no bother whatsoever! I would love to help you with rides, anytime! The only time I have to be anywhere is when sol gets out of school, and my parents are just a few blocks away, so with a little notice even that is not a problem! They love every opportunity they can get to spend time with him, so there is nothing else that isn't flexible. Let me know when, where, time...and I am there! :)

Pat said...

I hope all goes well with you. You do have a sense of humor, I'll give you that! You must though, to get you through these tough times!

RV Vagabonds said...

First of all, breathe. Second of all, start making a list of those bank accounts, passwords, locations, etc. Let Ron shoulder some of the responsibility. He's your partner, right? I know how easy it is to become the mother instead of the wife. We do it to ourselves because "it's just easier for me to do it". Yeah, then we become resentful.

So when you have the heart cath taken care of--take the time to share and give yourself a little more breathing room. Good luck--sending good energy your way.