Wednesday, December 29, 2010

FML

I kept seeing those letters on the status of several of my Facebook contacts. I finally asked my sister what it meant and it very plainly means "F" my life. Hmmmm.... didn't think I'd really need it but I found myself using my own variation of the theme tonight. S-M-L... SCREW my life.  hehehehe!

Back to the issue I hinted about in my earlier post. I may wander around getting there, but I will.

Ron went to see the hematologist on Monday and had blood drawn for his kidney doctor. Yesterday, he had additional blood drawn for the hematologist. Today, the nurse from his kidney doctor called and said that the aluminum level (in his blood) was over 70 (he told me two different numbers so not sure which one is correct - I will be calling them tomorrow) and the normal is less than 5.41. In order to be considered "toxic" it would have to be over 100, but I'm thinking in the 70s is pretty darn close. They will retest his blood in a month to see if it's still up above normal, and how high above normal.

Aluminum toxicity can cause a number of things, such as mental confusion, weakness, gastro-intestinal disturbances, etc. I have named these three because these seem to be what's increasing in Ron... He is much more confused (and denies the confusion), he's very weak, and he's had some serious gastro-intestinal issues lately. I bought disposable undergarments tonight.

He came over to me and held his right arm up in the air with a fist, and his left arm down about 18 inches with his palm open. He asked if this (the fist) was the end of my rope and that (the open palm) where I was. I said that was pretty close. He wanted to know if I'd given up on him. I haven't, but I said that I had nothing left to give - it wasn't a matter of giving up; there was nothing left.

There have been a lot of tears shed today - by him and by me. We both know that it's time for him to move on to someplace where he can get the care he needs. Today he ate the protein shake I made him this morning, 4 pieces of cheese, and 8 pieces of candy. When I talked to him (again) about eating FOOD he said that he wasn't hungry. This I know - he doesn't get hungry. I told him he had to eat at scheduled times and that we've discussed it before. He has no recollection of our previous discussions.

I don't really think he has aluminum toxicity since he's had these symptoms for quite a while. His aluminum levels last time they were tested were within normal limits or we would have heard about it before now. So, just not sure what is up with this.

I do know that I need to figure out what kind of attorney I need to contact to see about getting this ball rolling. Keith and I discussed moving him as quickly as possible and then me doing what needs to be done to get rid of the house. Paying for this out of our pocket means only one thing for us... Bankruptcy and foreclosure. Not pretty words, but I'm to the point where I realize they are going to happen. I will lose my car as well. Taking his income plus part of mine and putting it in assisted living means that I'll have less than $1300 per month for my entire living expenses. This amount will not include a vehicle payment.

So, I think the FML is really more accurate than SML is.

Don't you?

4 comments:

SkippyMom said...

Oh my goodness...Tee I have no solutions other than what you have decided. I have to agree - I know how much you love Ron, but he needs so much more than you can do. It just isn't physically possible anymore.

We are here - what can Pooldad and I do...please, there has to be something all of us - your friends here and there to help you.

We love you Tee - We are praying.

Please get in touch with us. My phone is right by my side.

jojo said...

Oh, how I wish I knew what to say. I am so sorry, sad and scared for both of you. I can't imagine how difficult this must be. You are so strong and I know you will do what has to be done. Please know I am thinking of you...

Thisisme said...

Another really sad post, Teresa. I just wish I lived near to you so that I could come by and give you a big hug. I really do feel very helpless when you clearly really can do with some serious help here.

Marla said...

Teresa, how I wish I could do something to help. I so seriously do.