Tuesday, December 28, 2010

I was angry this morning...

Until I discovered that Thisisme (2 of 3 consecutive references) had given me an award. That was terribly sweet of her. (I still need to pass on the Honest Scrap award to my recipients but I've been a bit remiss).

I tossed and turned most of the night. I am an emotional eater and this past month has blessed me with about 8 pounds of previously lost weight returning. That is not good. I really worked too hard to get rid of the "fluff" and I certainly don't need or want it back. So, back to the drawing board for me.

I found out yesterday that Ron's oldest son (who famously said on July 4th that "things would be different now" that he was divorced and that he'd be over more to see his dad) was at Ron's ex-wife's house with his three kids for Christmas. That's not so bad in of itself, but the ex-wife lives less than one mile from here - yes, LESS THAN one mile - and not only did Tim not come over to see his dad, he didn't even call him. In fact, Tim hasn't called his dad but one time (to return a call that Ron made to him) since his leg amputation on July 12 (he's never once called me to see how he did, how he was doing, or anything; his response when I sent him a text to say Ron was having emergency surgery was "OK" and nothing further from him). I am very angry at Tim and very hurt for Ron. Tim is cheating his children out of having any type of relationship with Ron and robbing them of memories they may be able to create. It's very sad and the rest of the family just makes excuses for him. "He can't stand to see Dad like this." "He's just bracing himself for when Dad is no longer with us." Pardon my language, but bullshit. BULLSHIT! I posted a note on Tim's Faceboook page. He's not online too much but I know that his friends will see it. I'm nearly 100% sure that it won't change things but at least I got it off my chest and if he deletes me then it will just show more of his true character.

Outside of "MY" children, only one of his other children called him for Christmas. His son, Aaron, called in the afternoon to wish him Merry Christmas and ask when would be good for him to come over. Since we had a full house (and I'd misplaced his Walmart gift card) we asked him to wait until last night. His daughter (who was also at her mom's house) sent him a text message. Really? That's all you could muster was a text message? I knew they weren't coming over until this Thursday (when Rex, Amy, and Isaiah would be here) but I figured she'd do more than a text message on Christmas Day. She does much more than her brother so for that, I am grateful and thankful. I love my step-children very much but I do get upset with them. I sometimes feel like I can't really say anything to them though, since I'm not their biological mother. But, I've been their "other mother" for over 26 years so I'm a bit more free with my words than maybe they think I should be.

He says it's what he deserves for being an absentee father (we got them when they wanted to come; never forced them to come visit if they didn't want to or if they had things to do with friends) but I say - again - BULLSHIT. He wasn't mean to them, he didn't beat them, he didn't ignore them on their birthdays or for other holidays. He deserves to be treated with love and respect and should not have to beg his children and grandchildren to come see him or to call him.

The prospect of moving does not excite me. Not because I have any emotional attachment to this house but we did invest his retirement money into it thinking it would be our 'retirement' home and we'd not have to move again. WRONG!!!  It's the packing and the sorting that I'm dreading. If I could move Ron and the stuff that I know we'll use to a new place and have the time to sort and purge here, that would be better. But the thought of being forced to decide between this and that in a moment's notice - and try to work all day in addition to the other stuff - is wearing me down. During the day I can't face what I'm supposed to do and during the night I can't shut off my mind. Drugs and alcohol seem very enticing; they have the ability to numb the mind but it's only a short-term fix for a long-term problem. But, I can see why some people would choose to self-medicate with these items. It's just not the answer that they need.

I have several lots of items that I know I'll have to put into storage. The smaller place we're looking at will not be big enough for Ron to maneuver about in his Jazzy unless I put just the bare necessities there. That means the bed, his dresser, and his nightstand in the bedroom. His lift chair, the love seat, and my dresser (as a TV stand) in the living room. My table/chairs would go to Amy's house and I'd take hers (much smaller). The hutch/china cabinet would go into storage, as would the glass display cabinet and all of my crystal pretties that my kids have gotten me over the years. My books and scrapbooking supplies would go to storage. I'd keep out just enough to work on stuff at the kitchen table and put some at Amy's house for easy access. We have really pared down in the past couple of years but there is still more stuff than what we need. Kitchen stuff will just need to go to storage except for the microwave, a few dishes, and a few pots/pans. I'll need to keep out Ron's grill so he can fix his frozen pizzas. And, I'll definitely need to keep my coffee pot out. Gotta have the coffee!!!

Coffee table and end table - sell
Computer and printer - sell
My end table - storage
Sofa - storage
Ron's tool cabinet - Rex and Amy, storage, or sell
Fridge - sell
Washer/Dryer and pedestals - sell (appliances are provided)
Folding tables for scrapbooking - storage
Scrapbook hutch - storage or sell; not sure yet
Power tools - sell
Household misc - mostly sell

Lots to think about and lots to do between now and then. Not sure when "then" is going to happen but it's definitely out there in the sooner-than-later future.

Only time will tell...


Bouncin' Barb said...

I'm so in tune with the stress you are feeling when you wrote this. One day at a time. Sometimes one hour at a time and even sometimes one minute at a time. You get through it. Hugs

colenic said...

Hugs to you...I am so sorry that you are going through such a tough time right now..know that I am sending positive vibes into the universe for you....hope that they find you!!

caterpillar said...


SkippyMom said...

You will make it through this Tee - no one is stronger than you that I know - honest! - it is damn near impossible some days, but you always come through and get it done with a joke and a smile - even when I know you must not feel like it.

Love you sweetie - you know where to find me - hugs!

Jimmy said...

You have a plate full that is for sure and worrying about the absentee kids does no good but I don't fault you for getting it off your chest because you are right it is BS and getting it off your chest beats holding it in, my absentee kids do the same to me and my wife has worried over them for many years and sad thing is nothing changes them, sorry I don't have any suggestions because when it comes to those who choose to exclude you there is no answer, yes it hurts and you know that they should realize this.

We sold our house and the majority of our things to move across country and help my wife's Parents deal with Alzheimer's, as Barb said dealing with serious conditions like you have in front of you is a day by day and sometimes hour by hour just keep on keeping on and yell if you need because that's OK too.

Sorry to be so wordy I just popped over from Barbs and will hang around a bit if you don't mind.

Thisisme said...

Try to keep strong Teresa. So easy for me to say, I know. Don't know whether I've said this before but "in quietness and trust is your strength". There really is so much love and positive vibes coming your way. Please try to take care of yourself too. That is SO important. It must be SO frustrating for you dealing with the situation with Ron's children, and I don't blame you at all for being so upset about it. Sending you Blessings.

Kathy's Klothesline said...

I don't envy you this task of moving. I hope it will take a load off your shoulders, though.

The absentee kids will have to reap what they sow and will one day regret their lack of compassion. Just knowing this should be a comfort, but I know how frustrating it must be to you. Always easier to think that you can remedy a wrong "tomorrow".

Donna B said...

Teresa, I have said it before, and I will say it again. You ROCK! I wish I knew how to make an AWARD that says YOU ROCK! Because you so deserve it. I would also give you YOU ARE MY HERO award! You inspire me and humble me each visit I have with you...

I can so emphathize with you on Ron's children. We had the same situation when my mother in law had Alzheimer's. She did everything for his six children...including help raise the first three boys. Only one of his sons came to visit her on a regular basis. The others "wanted to remember her as she used to be". I cried buckets for her.

I have learned since, we cannot judge one another in how their grieve, but it is an extremely difficult taste when one, such as you, loves Ron so much and hates to see the battles he fights every day, not to at least have a visit from his children...

I have also learned, one cannot be a Caregiver unless one loves the patient. It has been said by your loyal followers and friends, your job is 24/7 and you do it WELL....so very well.

I am so relieved and happy to hear you will be moving into a retirement village. I am not sure if I missed whether it is assisted living, or just a senior retirement complex.

I have such admiration for you and am brought to tears when I fall behind in reading your blog and then catch up. You are so strong the way you keep on, keeping on. I know you are a woman of faith and I know it is your faith which gives you your strength.

God Bless you dear friend. I wish only the best for you, Ron and your family in this upcoming new year. Much love and hugs to you dear one...