Saturday, August 20, 2011

Happy Anniversary

August 20, 1984

Who would have that that just 19 days after meeting someone on an arranged date, that I’d be getting married to him? Definitely not me, that’s for sure. I’d been down the marriage road before and it had not been a pleasant ride. I got two great kids from it, but that’s about all I was taking away with me. I have to say that I had some nice memories, family times and trips, holidays, etc. but the nice memories just didn’t make up for the other things that had been a part of the first marriage. Ron had also been married before and would have still been married, except his wife divorced him because she was in love with someone else (she’s married to him now).

Along with our children, we brought other things into this union. We brought the promise to always be honest with each other, to always treat each other with respect, to honor each other in front of our children, to support each other, and to present a united front. We promised to never go to bed angry. We promised to never trash each other in front of other friends and family because we both knew that even though we might be speaking out of frustration, those who loved us would have a harder time forgiving and forgetting. I can’t say we were successful 100% of the time, but we each gave 100% and did the best that we could with the equipment and experience that we had.

But, as is common in a lot of 2nd marriages, we also brought some baggage. We didn’t always communicate our wishes well. Sometimes we made decisions based on what we “thought” the other person wanted – decisions that sometimes turned out to NOT be what the other person wanted. Sometimes we let the other person make decisions that we knew in the bottom of our hearts would turn out badly – and sometimes they did. We tried to not say “I told you so,” but sometimes that sentiment came through loud and clear even if the words were not spoken. Sometimes we didn’t do things that we wished we would have and sometimes we did things that we wished we hadn’t. We didn’t take our children to places that maybe we should have or done some of the things with them or for them that we could have.

We tried to always tell our children that we loved them, even when they were being disciplined (that didn’t always happen but we tried). We tried to discipline with integrity instead out of anger. Sometimes we failed. Children don’t come with handbooks and there were times that we were not the best parents we could have been. In fact, there were times when we were miserable examples of parenthood. As I look at my children (as adults), I’m amazed that they are not only productive members of society, but also adults who don’t look back on their childhoods and say how badly we failed them. We know there were times we failed them, but I think they also realize that they will also (as parents) fail at times. As adults, it’s easier to look back at childhoods and see that sometimes what parents thought was the best wasn’t always, but that doesn’t mean that the parents didn’t do the best that could be done under the circumstances.

We also promised “for richer or for poorer,” “for better or for worse,” “in sickness and in health.” We’ve lived all of those and know what kind of stress and strain they can put on a relationship. We’ve had our patience and our faith tested on a regular basis. We’ve walked through the fire and come out victorious on the other side. We’ve relied on each other when there was no one else. We’ve truly discovered what it means to be “as one.”

The past 27 years have not all been a bed of roses and they’ve not all been easy. We’ve made a lot of mistakes along the way. I can look back on them and say the good has outweighed the bad, no matter what has happened.

There is one thing I definitely would not change for all of the riches of the world, the ease that wealth and privilege would buy.

That’s saying “I do.”

Happy Anniversary to my best friend, the love of my life, my true soul-mate.




13 comments:

lyndylou said...

This was a lovely post. Although I am divorced a tiny part of me still believes in finding that special someone and I love hearing stories of people who do.

Happy Anniversary to you both :)

Thisisme. said...

Happy Anniversary Teresa & Ron. What a lovely photo of the two of you together. That was a great post my friend, and I am so happy that you found your soul mate and love of your life, through thick and thin, and how lovely that you would still say "I Do". I think we all do the best we can when bringing up our children. We don't always get it right but, as you say, it's not always easy being a parent. Many congratulations, and I wish you many more years of happiness and love together.

SkippyMom said...

Very happy anniversary my friends. May there be many, many more. :)

labbie1 said...

Lovely! That is so much better than any card can say the words! Happy Anniversary! Many more happy memories for you both!

Bouncin' Barb said...

What a sweet and lovely post Teresa. Happy Anniversary to you and Ron. Every day is a gift! What a great picture of the two of you! So nice.

vaspillman said...

That was such a loving post, so sweet. I am so thankful that you two are so well suited and happy with each other, that is wonderful! I love you both dearly, and I am happy you are our friends. Happy Anniversary to both of you!

Green Girl in Wisconsin said...

Congratulations on your anniversary! Sounds like it was an excellent match!

orchid said...

My Dear Teresa,
Oh, SO SORRY for my belated comment!!!
Yes, really is a LOVELY picture for your Anniversary. How lucky to find a soul mate, isn't it♬♬♬ I think mine is my soul mate as well. Even though we weren't blessed with a child, we helped each other filling up our handicaps.
Blessing to both of you!!! Orchid.

caterpillar said...

I know I am terribly late....but wishing both of you a Happy Anniversary....hugs.

kneesandpaws said...

Happy Anniversary Teresa and Ron! You've hit the mark on the truth of committed love, marriage and parenthood. I felt comforted reading it because I too feel that the second time comes with a lot of baggage. It was refreshing to read how you truly feel about your relationship with Ron. It was touching and sweet. Very heartfelt...thanks for sharing.

Kristen said...

He must be one heck of a man to deserve YOU! Happy Anniversary!!

Pat said...

Happy Belated Anniversary! Hope you are both feeling well!

Kathy's Klothesline said...

Wishing you a very late happy anniversary! I am so behind in the things that bring me pleasure! Just one more week of swimmers!!!