Sunday, April 25, 2010

Chomp, chomp, chomp

I am chomping at the bit. Chomping at anything I can find to put into my mouth. I am not hungry - I am stressed. Food = comfort but it's just not happening. I'm not hungry and nothing sounds good. But, I'm in the kitchen grazing, grazing, grazing. I fixed Ron a couple of good meals today - brunch was double-Boca burger on thin-sliced bun, dinner was rib steak, grilled asparagus, and baked/grilled parsley potatoes.

Tomorrow, Ron will have his bone scan to see if, and how much, infection is in his foot bones. If there is infection, we will find out if they want to operate and use antibiotics or just use antibiotics. I don't know. I don't know how soon we'll find out, either. I could be on pins and needles for several days. I don't think my hips can take it. hahahaa! Bulimia? I've never tried that path, maybe it's an option.

OK, just kidding. I gag brushing my teeth; can't imagine trying to gag myself on purpose. Yuck.

Also, found out tonight that we may not be able make a move like we had talked about. I've been batting it around anyway but there's so much going on that I was really looking forward to having some of it lifted off me. I even allowed myself to hope a little bit and dream about how it would be to have less to take care of. Oh well... back to the drawing board. We definitely will (probably) be moving out of this house. Just don't know when and don't know where.

We have to address the issue of the foot first and see where that path takes us. My brother asked me last week why I would even consider a move and I told him that I didn't know how much more I could take. My mind is just really blown right now and I can't think straight. I really don't know how much more I can take and I keep grasping for something - ANYTHING - that would help me out.

I just want to cuss. Really. A lot. LOUDLY. Vehemently. With passion.


Donna B said...

Oh Teresa...I feel your pain. This may not be the forum, but please email me ( on the particulars of your husband's illness...

I am assuming you are the only care taker?

I find myself in the kitchen a lot more too. My aching mouth kept me away, guess that means I am feeling better in the mouth dept.

We will make a purging pack and support one another, OK??

Pat said...

I am wondering how the bone scan went today for Ron. I pray you get the results you want, and with the least amount of pain and money. I hope and pray that things start going your way. I don't know how much more a person can take. Have yourself a good cry, and have a fresh start in the morning. Hang tough.

Kathy's Klothesline said...

I hope all went well today. Just take a deep breath and put one foot in front of the other.