Monday, April 5, 2010

New day - return of old problems

Ron had a pretty good weekend, but by the end of the day yesterday and today, he's wiped. He doesn't know exactly why he's so exhausted but said he just doesn't have any energy to do anything. I don't know anymore.

I changed his bandage today and the hole looks odd to me. Not worse, but definitely not better. Instead of having the normal "edge" of the wound, there are splits going off of it in several different areas. It reminds me of looking at a target through a scope, where you see the circle with lines coming off of it at the 12:00, 3:00, 6:00, and 9:00 positions. He has all of the lines except the 12:00 one, but in that position the edge is rougher and not a smooth margin at all. I know he's depressed and I really try to not show my displeasure or concern over it, but I don't always make it.

It has got to be very discouraging for him. I know - you all have heard me say that many times before. Today I have to admit that I am having one of those days, as well. I'm just tired. Tired of the never-ending medical problems. Tired of never being able to make plans because he might not feel like going. Tired of feeling guilty if I leave him home alone and tired of feeling left out if I stay home because he doesn't feel like going.

I know that he doesn't want me to miss out on things and he would never make me choose to stay home - that is MY choice and one that I (mostly) gladly make. That doesn't mean that I'm not sorry that I'm missing things. That doesn't mean I don't wish that he felt like leaving the house for things other than doctor's appointments. I tried to get him to go to dinner tonight but he didn't feel like it. I've got green beans, potatoes, and biscuits cooking and he doesn't feel like eating that, either.

I know I'm whining and I apologize. But, there are some days that I just want to check out of this life and into the next. That's a metaphoric comment. You know... "Check, please!" Go somewhere else and try that on for size. Just being difficult...

Thanks for letting me whine...


Kathy's Klothesline said...

Hope you are having a better day by now.

Teresa - in the Middle Side of Life said...

I am... I can only allow myself one down day at a time. Got to get back in the swing of things the next day.