Friday, January 13, 2012

I'm really not wishy-washy...

There are people who, in their well-meaning ways, say things that are actually hurtful. It’s not my nature to get offended as much as just hurt that they think this way (and, for the record – I’m not talking about anyone HERE in my blogosphere world). This is an actual IRL friend of the family. He really does have Ron’s best interests in mind (worried about his overall health and all that) and worried that if anything happened to Ron that I’d be homeless. He knows that I’m not old enough to live at the Villa on my own. He doesn’t believe that me working extra hours at a different job or trying to put together the money for the trip would be in Ron’s best interests (or even my own). He knows that it’s not the thought of the work that is daunting because I’m not a quitter (and he also knows that I’m not looking for a handout; I’m truly looking for a way to pay for it myself and make it something that Ron would enjoy). He thinks that the trip would take too big of a toll on Ron and if I came up with the money to go, I should put it elsewhere.

Maybe he’s right. Maybe he’s not. I don’t guess that I’ll ever really find out because the likelihood of me putting the money together is somewhere between “nil” and “non-existent.” In fact, I emailed Shaun and Jenny today and told them that I believe it is out of the realm of what I’m capable of doing. When Ron went into the hospital again the first part of December, it reinforced to me just how fragile his overall health is. We can “think” that he’s better (and he really is) but taking the risk that he’ll come home as healthy as he left home is very much an issue. The thing that more hurt my feelings more than anything though was the “so what, I want to go to Paris but I can’t” attitude that our friend has. Going to Paris or any other country is so totally out of comparison that I really didn’t even know what to say (besides, money is not something that prevents him from doing anything that he wants to do) . That’s like comparing apples to oranges. Yes, they’re both round, fruit, and good for you but that’s about the end of what can be compared. This trip does not belong in the same category.

I could try to do the Tiger Cruise from San Diego to WA, but I’m not sure there is enough time to plan that (saving money for one airline ticket – coach – is much different than for two – business class) and get the paperwork taken care of. And, who would make sure that Ron was OK?

Taking Ron on a long trip is probably not in his best interests right now, no matter how much we want to pretend that he can handle it. On top of that, if he’s gone “out of town” on a pleasure trip, then Medicare will quit sending the visiting nurse (he comes 3x week) to check on him because he would not be considered a shut-in. Right now, our doctor is having Charles (the nurse) come and feels that is one thing that is helping to keep him well enough and still on the road to recovery – and out of the hospital.

Right now, though… I’m struggling with the whole pity party thing… I know that sacrificing for those we love is a good thing and I’m not mad at anyone that I have to. Just disappointed that the choices in my life have come to this. LOL – I gave him my computer, gave him my tablet, and now I’m canceling a great vacation for him, too. (I’m sure that sounds perfectly terrible of me to say and I don’t mean for it to, but if that’s how it comes across – oh well. That’s life in the fast lane!)

OK - all that said... here's the facts... I don't have to LIKE them, I just learn to LIVE with them. Ron knows that he can't make the trip and he doesn't want to restrict me - BUT, big but here... he also doesn't think that he can make it here on his own without me. He gets lonely when I'm just gone an extended amount of time in the day. If I save my money, I can look forward to taking a long weekend and going to see them after the new baby is born.

I can dream all I want that things would be different but that won't change the facts. This is my life. It's not always fun and I resent the h-e-l-l out of things sometimes. But, I'm honest about it. I'm no angel and I'm no martyr, either. I hate having to give up things. I guess that's because I'm just a measly human with human failings.

Still… ihs


Bouncin' Barb said...

Understood! And this too shall pass. Hugs.

colenic said...

hugs to you...I can't imagine being in the situation you are and not getting frustrated. love and hugs to you.

kneesandpaws said...

Teresa, I'm right there with you on the importance of not being a marytr. The importance of allowing yourself to feel whatever feelings come and go. I had a abrupt awakening to something that might help you through this, even in a small way. Three years ago, Richard and I were getting married at a small chapel in Kansas City Missouri. My parents had just flown in the night before and had no time to meet my new inlaws in person. But they met before the wedding in a high speed car accident. Yes, that's right. My mother and father and brother crashed into my soon to be inlaws at 60 miles per hour on the highway. They took out two guard rails and totaled both vehicles. When we arrived on the scene, they were alive and standing, but injured and shaken. They recognized one another because the men were wearing matching tuxedos. I learned that no matter my will (I wanted to get married that day) that God had control of everything. I had the sense that every one of our steps here on earth are guided. Maybe God is holding you there for a reason unseen. I'm going to pray that the opportunity opens up for you very soon. Take care!

Thisisme. said...

Hi Teresa. That was a lovely comment by Jenny, wasn't it? I'm with Col. I just couldn't imagine being in your situation, without getting frustrated and, yes, angry at times. We can all identify with what you are saying here though, and it really is a conundrum. BB said a good thing "and this too shall pass." I will say, as I may have said before, "in quietness and trust is your strength." Take care dear friend. I'm sure if there was anything that we could all do to try to help these situations, we would all be there like a shot for you. Hugs.

kneesandpaws said...

And Teresa, I would never let you be homeless.

Green Girl in Wisconsin said...

I'm sorry. I'm sure you're getting all kinds of well-intended advice, but sometimes the best pals just let you vent and don't say a word.