Monday, May 10, 2010

Looks like surgery again

I'm just sitting here fantasizing about the day when there's no more doctor's appointments, no more depressing news from the nurses who take off the bandages, and no more "concerned" looks when they see what's under the bandage.

We'll find out on Thursday if there's infection in the wound; they did a culture today. Dr. K will discuss with Dr. H this week and let us know who, when, and where they're going to do surgery and exactly what they plan on doing. I said I cannot take care of him by myself and that he'd need to go to a step-down facility. Dr. K said they'd try to keep him in the hospital for a week and then maybe he'd be able to put some weight on it to transfer. That does not solve all of my problems for me. Transferring from bed to chair to toilet, etc. is only one-half of the problem. Who is going to sit with him all day while he's home? He'll need someone to fetch him food, something to drink, his medications, etc. Maybe even though he'll stay in the hospital for a week, he will still need to go to a step-down for a week or so.

Guess my trip to see the grandkids is not going to happen unless they are unable to get the surgery scheduled within the next two weeks. My sister says I should go anyway. And what? Leave Ron home alone? Leave him in the hospital (if that's where he is)? Or a step-down facility? I think not. There's no one who can sit with him 24/7 except me.

I'm really not complaining. Really I'm not. If I tell myself that enough times maybe I'll actually believe it. I was yelling at God again this morning. Our income is down $1200-$1400 per month. I miss much more work to sit with him at home or whatever and it'll go down more. I keep trying to ask God just how much more does He think I can handle? I keep looking for answers and I'm beating my head against the wall. I feel like I'm examining all of the things out there but then I'm not sure.

I just really don't know any more.


Rae said...

Sometimes the best thing we can do is let our minds drift to those places and thoughts where the worries are gone and the days are easier. It's those dreams that keep us going. Keep your chin up and do whatever it takes to help you get through. Wishing you and Ron the best. I hope his surgery goes well.

Kathy's Klothesline said...

Thinking of you and hoping for the best........ hang in there.

Kathy said...

I don't have a fraction of the stress that you have, but when I do feel overwhelmed...I try not to "think" too much. Sometimes I get way too into things that have already happened and things in the future that I can't do anything about at that very moment. I work very hard now to stay in the moment and only think about what I can control right then. Not sure if that will help you, but I will keep you in my thoughts and send some positive thoughts your way.

Pat said...

I'm praying for you - hang tough.