What Not To Wear is never going to come calling. It's up to me to determine what to wear and to be responsible for obtaining it. That's OK. I'm quite used to doing things on my own. I just don't know HOW to achieve this on my own but I will do my best.
I'm watching one today (since I'm snowed in) and feel so in tune with the girl on this episode. There are a few differences between us, but the main one is she's getting to figure out things for her body at a much younger age. She is 29; I am 52. She feels that her clothing controls her and her decisions on what she does. I feel the same. She has let clothing hold her back from attending functions; I have as well. She has a wardrobe of "hoodies" that she feels covers her problems. My security blanket has been my T-shirts. She has items that convey she gives up; I do, too. She's a bit on the larger side and gives the impression that she believes she should not look nice because of her size. Sounds familiar to me...
I decided to go through my wardrobe, take pictures, and post them along with my comments. If someone who has good advice has something to offer, I welcome the suggestions. If you have rude comments, please save them. I say enough mean and demeaning things to myself that I don't need that type of help. Since I've lost 60 pounds (I do still need to lose at least 25 more) I've had to change my wardrobe at least twice. I've given all of my larger clothes away - some of which were expensive and worn one-two times as I was transitioning. The person who received them appreciates it as she is also transitioning into a smaller size. But, it doesn't help the pocket to have to go back and buy more. Thankfully, I have access to Amy's clothes that she can no longer wear. She's also lost some weight and her jeans from last year fit me this year.
Tops are a bit different. I have more upstairs and since I've had more children and abdominal surgeries, her blouses don't fit me. That sends me back to T-shirts. My arms are hideous so I try to cover them as much as possible. I have biceps from lifting the wheelchair and electric scooter (and the ramp, which weighs about 75 pounds). My triceps are still very flabby and I don't know how to fix that.
I have no butt. It's flat. I am wider than I'd like to be and my thighs are just so-so. I need to start walking again (I know... I really do) but when I get home in the evening, walking is the farthest thing from my mind. I'm not an early morning person so getting up earlier is pretty much out of the question. I could walk at work when the rest of the group goes on break but I don't make that choice. I don't know why. I really don't.
So... here are the pictures and my comments. (I know – I should have cleaned the mirror first, but I didn’t think of it and once I realized how many water spots were on it, it was too late and I wasn’t re-doing the clothes and the pictures. Maybe some day – but not this day.)
|This lovely shot is to display my arms. I hate my arms. I think they make me look old.|
|My legs aren’t too bad. Not great – but not too shabby. They could be improved upon and once I start walking again, that will happen. I don’t have much of a butt, though.|
Now, here are some lovely wardrobe pictures.
The top three pictures are of just a few tops. The bottom four pictures show (left to right, top to bottom) my jeans, my tops, my camisoles (for under my tops) and some work shirts (with the company logo on them), and my T-shirts. I wear most of them and sometimes I wear them to work. My office is very casual and jeans are mostly worn. We can wear Capri pants in the summer.
This series of photos are of some of the outfits on me. I’m really not impressed with any of them. My arms either look too big or my butt looks too flat, or the pants are saggy in the backside. If I had tops that covered the backside, I’d wear them.
|I’m obviously trying to look cute in this top. It’s got a little Empire waist seam, some decoration on the neckline, and some pattern to the top itself. It’s two layers, with the decoration on the outside layer. The inside is solid black.|
|This top I bought last summer to wear to our July 4th family reunion. I don’t know if I’ll wear it this summer or not.|
|I definitely don’t fill it out as much as I did then, but it still doesn’t look too good on me.||I may not have any choice in the matter if it’s all that I have.|
|Another shot of those lovely arms. They’re not as bad this year as they were last year. I can look at them and not think I’m going to throw up.|
Here’s another lovely shirt.
The picture is really bad; the shirt is not that awful looking. Close, but not quite. I thought this would be really cute; it’s a size smaller than I usually buy in my tops so I thought it would fit better. It doesn’t. So, I tried again with the other green shirt. It’s too big on the shoulders and keeps showing my straps. I’m not a “free and easy” kind of person who thinks it’s OK to show my undergarments.
This shirt came in more than one color – so I bought more than one color. I’m only showing the pink but I also have it in black. The little rhinestones down the front and the “faux” camisole underneath were things that caught my attention. Plus, the sleeves were a bit more substantial than a lot of things I have been able to find. I hate those little cap sleeves that cover nothing and draw attention to problem areas.
|I really like this top. The jeans are too big but I wear them anyway.|
|They’re kind of baggy in the rear and they’re very loose around the waist.||I have a pair just like them in khaki and another in black.|
I found some more pictures of myself wearing this brown top. These were taken last Labor Day.
This blouse I also wear frequently. I love the sparkle of it. This picture was also taken in October. I’ve lost a little bit more weight since then – maybe 15 pounds. I still wear the tops pictured though.
I tried to find more pictures of my wardrobe, but no luck. I’m not one to have my picture taken because I have such a “positive” self-image. I have decided fairly recently, though, to just suck it up and get in the picture. I don’t want my family to look back at pictures in the years to come and ask why I wasn’t there. I know that I’m an important part of their lives and I shouldn’t let my clothing (or my body image) dictate whether or not I’m participating in life.
I did find some lovely hair shots. I’ve had the same hair style (with very little variation) for 30 years. This past summer, Amy talked me into getting it cut short and letting it go straight. I do miss my curly hair but I don’t miss the cost of keeping it curly. I can’t afford to keep it colored so it’s going gray. Oh well… I think I look pretty good for 52 (almost 53) so if I’m gray, then I’m gray.
The last picture is my hair today. Incidentally, I still have the T-shirt in the first picture – and I still wear it.