Thursday, March 26, 2009

The man sometimes just drives me nuts

I pour over our finances several times a week, trying to decide where we can cut and what we cannot cut. We sold two vehicles and bought one replacement so we wouldn’t have the extra car payment and car insurance. Ron was OK with that although he hated to give up his Explorer. I hated to give up his Explorer, but it was the best financial option for us.

We discussed it and he was OK. But, he’s not dropped it since. OCTOBER. That’s how long ago we did this. Everywhere we go now, he’s scouting for vehicles. Every time he mentions buying this or buying that, I get a knot in my stomach. Why can’t he understand the stress level that I’m already under and the additional stress him talking about buying a vehicle and driving causes? He is not physically capable of driving right now. I don’t know that he’ll ever be physically able to drive again, but I don’t say that to him. I told him that it really stresses me when he talks about vehicles. I said when the time is right, we'll find him something to drive if that's what he really wants. He says he understands.

We get past the vehicle conversation and he says if he needs a car, he can take me to work and come get me; after all, he’s retired and won’t have anything better to do. If he thinks he needs to drive himself somewhere (like a physician appt), then him just keeping the car is the most economical solution. But, then a week or so goes by and he brings it back up.

I understand that he doesn’t want to surrender the last vestige of independence. I would love for him to be able to drive. I hate being the only person to ever drive anywhere. It gets old. By the same token, I have to be realistic about the whole thing and so should he. It just gets very old for him to waffle back and forth on things.

We decided (mostly, I encouraged and sort of made the final determination) to sign up for a six-month meat/frozen vegetable/frozen fruit plan. I have to figure out exactly how many pounds of food we’re getting but the bill is $207 per month for five months. The food will probably last us for at least eight months – some we’ll run out of before then but other parts of it we’ll still have. It was $197 down and then once the food is delivered, the first payment is due 30 days later. Ron was fine with it at first because he got to pick and choose what meats he wanted, including beef jerky. The hamburger comes in one pound chubs and one pound packages of 3 patties each. There are roasts, steaks, chicken, fish, different frozen vegetables and different frozen fruits (peaches, strawberries, and blueberries). We custom-tailored a plan for us, figuring if Amy and Isaiah were there, we’d still have enough. Plus, we don’t eat meat every night so it’s not a big deal.

The next day, out of the clear blue sky, he says he thinks it's too high. I said fine, I'd call and cancel but I was trying to build in a hedge against inflation and that I thought even though it was six payments, the food would not be all gone in six months. He said OK - since I do the finances and the shopping, then he'll trust my judgment.

Today - new story... Since we can "afford" this meat purchase, why can't we afford to find him a vehicle? He thinks he'll ask his son from 1st marriage about buying his van. {sigh} I felt my blood pressure going up and the knot in my stomach. No, I don't want to buy Aaron's van; he doesn't want a van anyway, he wants a truck. So, why buy Aaron's van (or even try to) if that's not what he ultimately would want. Well, his reasoning, is that he'll then have a vehicle. HE' S NOT EVEN WALK ING WELL YET - and will probably need surgery on his left knee. So - why buy anything now? I don't know.

Then he thinks I'm arguing with him just because I want to be right. I don't want to be right - I am right. Lord knows, I'd love to be wrong. I'd LOVE for him to heal up, not need surgery, be able to function again, and drive. God knows that would take some of this burden off of me.

I don't see that happening any time in the near future, no matter how much we want it.

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