Sunday, June 28, 2009


I have decided that although I want to always be nice to people, and to not go looking for things to disagree over, I'm no longer going to just let people talk to me any way they want to without me saying something back that lets them know that I am no longer a door mat.

I have someone I am very close to who has a 7 month old baby. Said baby is quite large and has outgrown his rear-facing car seat. My innocent comment was how cute he looked in his seat but mom may want to look into the laws of her state because most states require rear-facing car seats for infants under 12 months of age and 20 pounds. The baby has to meet both criterion - not one or the other. And, to make sure that I wasn't misinformed, I went searching to make sure I wasn't giving incorrect information. When I found a site that had a lot of information regarding car seats (for all states), I sent her the link. She has comment moderation enabled on her blog so the "how cute" comment was never allowed to be posted.

My return comment was "I have done my research. I don't need help unless I ask for it."
Ouch... Just trying to make sure your child was protected in the event of (heaven forbid) an accident.

My reply: Well, excuse me for being concerned about ****'s welfare. It won't happen again. Kiss my ***. (And, yes - I said that word. Not because I wanted to be nasty but I don't tolerate my own kids talking to me like that and I'm not going to tolerate some other 21 year old talking to me like that, either.)

"You have been hanging out with ******* too much. I just said I don't need help on this subject."

It was the way you said it. I don't need help unless I ask for it. Sometimes people don't know they need help on something until someone with more experience points it out. You could have said thanks for your concern but I made sure he would be OK before I did this NOT what and how you said it.

"For your information, that big boy car sear is rear facing. It's a convertible and that's why I got it."

OK, that is good but you have forward facing in the car and in the seat belt. It is natural to think you are transporting him in this fashion. Instead of getting touchy you could just try to be nice in your comments and rephrasing before you comment. And for your information, I am not hanging out with ****** so phooey on you! hahahaha. (The last paragraph was intended to show that I'm not angry with her but I expect her to treat people who are older than her with respect. In case you are wondering, we are related so it's not like I'm giving advice to some individual just for the heck of it. I was truly concerned that she was unaware of car seat laws - after all, she's not had a baby before.)

After looking at her personal "page" I see that I am not the only person who was concerned and said something. Just because she says it's convertible and that's why she got it, does not explain that she's hooked it up into her car as a rear facing - or that she just photographed him in it as front facing to show how big he was. A little bit of explanation would have been great. Her comment online is "what's worse - having your baby in rear facing even though he exceeds the weight limit or forward facing because he's under a year old." And, she included the addition that it's a rhetorical question so to keep our opinions to ourselves. She did actually get some advice to do what she wants because he's her baby. {sigh}

The problem is that the law says rear facing until over 12 months and over 20 pounds. Unfortunately, doing what's best for baby isn't always what makes them happy or completely comfortable. Many places are plugging for rear-facing until the baby is two years old. Convertible car seats will have to be changed to accommodate these growing legs because that would be very uncomfortable. My comment back was that hard decisions today make easier decisions later. Kids are going to want to not wear seat belts later or to not be in car seats later so making them do what's safest for them now may be what has to be done. Make a decision today that is for their benefit and decisions later might not be so hard. She deleted all comments that did not support her decision in what she did.

I just read a post from someones Facebook page.... We must all suffer from one of two pains - the pain of discipline now or the pain of regret later. I've had it both ways and I think that the pain of discipline now is much easier to bear.

It is so very true and so very appropriate. My comments were not meant to intrude or to offend - but to provide information that she might not have had. One day she may learn that people aren't trying to tell her what to do when they offer an opinion or a suggestion. Some people may actually know what they are talking about and are just sharing information. Some day... but I won't hold my breath and I won't be talked to with rudeness without saying something back.

1 comment:

Pat said...

I need some of your chutzpah! I am a wuss from way back. I have a twin sister who is full of piss and vinegar. We always say that she has too much chutzpah and me none at all. She needs some of my "niceness" and I need some of her "toughness".

My daughter recently had her first baby. It's hard for me to keep my mouth shut, in this case, to tell her things about the baby and what I think she should do. Sometimes I keep my mouth shut and it kills me. But I feel like the younger generation isn't as smart as we were raising our kids. Am I wrong?